Sawdust

Dian Sieto, manager of the largest Nike sweatshop in northern Indonesia, recently announced to his workers his new plan to boost company morale: playing Smash Mouth’s 90’s hit “All Star.”

The recent outbreak of edible substance abuse in the New Hastings Community has had the Police Department looking for any possible avenues into its source. The epidemic first came into light when boxes and boxes of what seemed like Samoas and Thinmints intoxicated members of a second grade class.

Pissed girl scout calls for cookie embargo

I’m Ned, 24, single, white male. I’m a totally chill, fit and an all around good guy who’s just looking for a dude that I can pound Keystones with, watch Shawshank and generally bro out.

Vipera University’s Anaconda Adoption Club started with honorable intentions. Unlike more mainstream organizations that symbolically adopt manatees or parts of the rainforest, the students in the Anaconda Adoption Club focused on what they believe to be a much “cooler” animal.

Ithaca’s latest chain restaurant, Chipotle, has opened, and for the past week, it seems as though everyone with a working digestive system has lined up out the door as if they’ve never had a burrito in their life.

Homeless now less fortunate

Patient certified in having extensive knowledge of Grey’s Anatomy

a.k.a why am I still here? Nobody likes finals week; it’s five days of cramming in all those Power-Points you pretended to take notes on…

Friends report concern after student buys retro Gameboy and aspires to become an astronaut