After Donald Trump became less and less active on social media, the immediate response from the United States was that the only thing that would stop him from tweeting was death itself. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Donald Trump seems to be alive and well. Just to be sure though, our crack team at Buzzsaw shrank themselves down Magic School Bus style and took an audience with Donald Trump’s organs to see how they’re doing. These are their responses.
Kidney:
“I’m the best kidney to ever be in a president, that’s what they say about me, they call me Best Kidney Trump, I have the MOST blood in my pee…”
(Kidney will explode in approximately half a term via the aspartame in Diet Cokes burning through its interior walls)
Stomach:
“You try and find another stomach that can process this amount of fat and carbs, I bet you can’t. I’ll tell you folks, I’m never slowing down, slowing down is for losers like Sleepy Joe.”
(The stomach was then pumped hours later due to Trump eating a total of 7 Big Macs, which doesn’t sound like a lot but really is.)
Brain:
“I’VE GOT THE MOST SODIUM IN MY SYNAPS, I’M FIRING LIKE CRAZY. MY GREY MATTER IS GONE, IT’S ALL WHITE MATTER NOW. THE IDEAS AND THOUGHTS COMING OUT OF ME ArE JuST GOnna KEEP gettING BEtter!
(I’m not a doctor or anything but this has a stroke written all over it.)
Gall Bladder:
MIA
Jordan Costolo is a first-year Film major who loves The Magic School Bus. They can be contacted at jcostolo@ithaca.edu