About: Do you have a passion for communications? Do you love the environment? Did you ever kill a small rodent as a child, realized you felt nothing, and wondered what else this newfound neutrality was applicable to? Then come join Green Guns! Green Guns is our nation’s first weapons manufacturer committed to a healthier planet. Our brave founder Elliot Rumsfeld was just a normal environmental science student making his way through college, with the money good ol’ uncle Donny left him, until he found his calling. “One day,” Elliot writes on our website, “I was thinking, ‘How can I make the world a better place?’ And then I thought ‘And how can I continue to have my warmonger family fund my lifestyle?’ At that moment I was hit with inspiration, inspiration that would become the Green Guns motto: ‘Mass Destruction doesn’t have to include trees.’” And that spirit has driven this company to the cutting edge of the industry. We have championed such projects as solar powered tanks and emission-free drone strikes, and we are looking to do even more in the coming years. Come work for the company dubbed “The Most Exciting Development in Rocket History” by Dick Cheney and “uh…no?” by Greta Thunberg.
Job Description:
- As a social media assistant, Green Guns asks you to keep us young and hip! Make sure to create and post all kinds of activist infographics except ONE kind
- Preferred: Proficient in Excel, previous internship(s), family already in the military so you won’t do the whole fucking “oh god what have we done, what have we done, I didn’t know, how will I answer for this at the gates of heaven” thing.
- We are human-led, full stop. Generative AI will not be tolerated. It is killing forests and fresh water, and we are only in the killing people business <3
- We ask that you be considerate of noise in the workplace as music, podcasts, etc. can be very distracting for our lovely neurodivergent colleagues. With that in mind, headphones are required. Plus, this way you won’t listen to the screams…oh, heavens, the screams…
- Last but certainly not least, must love the planet! (And be willing to sign 247 NDAs)
Charlie Boucher is a senior TVDM major who is intermediate in Excel. He can be reached at cboucher@ithaca.edu.