On Sunday February 8, 2026, while many self-proclaimed “sports fans” tuned in to Super Bowl LX, real enjoyers of athletic talent turned their attention to the first day of the 2026 United States Hobby-Horse Championship (USHHC), a riveting display of athleticism and artistry far superior to that of the NFL. The dazzling spectacles of physical fitness and visual storytelling at this year’s championship have made one thing clear; this truly was the sporting event of the century. While it is impossible to truly convey the beauty and skill demonstrated by nationally ranked hobby-horsers, we here at Buzzsaw Magazine believe it is our journalistic obligation to share the magic, performance, and cultural transformation associated with hobby-horsing with our devoted readers.
This year’s convention, like always, was separated by discipline, allowing athletes in all seven categories to compete for a title in their respective area of strength. As is traditional, the competitions for each discipline occurred alphabetically, starting with barrel racing, a fast-paced, high-energy start to the competition that never disappoints. For the tragically uninformed, barrel racing is the fastest of the 7 disciplines, in which competitors complete figure eights around barrels at speeds comparable to the Soviet submarine K-222. This year’s competition came down to a close race between reigning champion Roseanna Dickerson (age 23, Connecticut) and rookie Judith Cherry (age 21, Louisiana), with the competitors finishing only fractions of a second apart. While both racers displayed unprecedented, awe-inspiring speed and athleticism, Dickerson was able to defend her title, taking home the gold for the proud citizens of her hometown, Derby, Connecticut. Dickerson attributes her success to her hobby-horse, a beautiful black and white velvet head affixed to a sleek beech stick, built for speed and agility.
The second competition of the day was our personal favorite: dressage. Dressage, of course, is an elegant dance involving a set of required movements alongside an artistic performance of the rider’s own design. This year had some intense competition, with a number of notable performances. One of our personal favorites was Glen Cloebogg (age 22, Arizona) who performed a stunning routine to the hit song “Twist” by Korn. We were equally impressed by Gilbert Greer (age 25, Maine) who incorporated elements of ballet, tap dance, and Krav Maga in his performance to the song “Smoke Two Joints” by Sublime. However, as much as we loved the performances by Cloebogg and Greer, they paled in comparison to that of champion Gideon Artichoke (24, Iowa), who defied tradition by combining break dancing, hardcore moshing, and Greek folk dancing in a dazzling display of artistry, backed by the perfect song choice: “The Man Who Sold the World” by David Bowie.
The third event of the day was flat, the most traditional form of hobby-horsing, involving immense control and precisions as riders are judged on how well their horse behaves at the walk, trot, and canter, following the judge’s directions. In this competition, we saw strong performances from the competitors from each state, with very high scores across the board. However, one hobby-horser rose above the rest: Mystik Dan (age 33, Kentucky). Mystik Dan walked, trotted, and cantered to a degree never before seen. His grace, elegance, and precision are what define the sport – and art – of hobby-horsing. The world is not ready for the beauty that is Mystik Dan.
Next up was Hunter/Jumper, a stylish competition requiring good manners, smooth style, and a graceful overall appearance. Here, we saw the return of the infamous Douglass Bubbletrousers (age 27, Rhode Island), who had previously been suspended over suspected steroid use. Following a series of clean drug tests, Bubbletrousers returned and was able to take home the gold to his 33 dachshunds and 1 beta fish.
The puissance competition is one of the most thrilling hobby-horse disciplines, in which the audience waits in anticipation as hobby-horsers attempt to jump over a bar that gets higher and higher each round. This year’s competitors truly took the puissance competition to new heights. Indeed, champion Gackson Geffereson (age 74, Nebraska) jumped higher than we have ever seen in the history of hobby-horsing. However, this event did not go without incident. The 2026 National Puissance Championship featured an incident akin to that of French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati at the 2024 Summer Olympics, who failed to advance after knocking down the cross bar with his penis. At the USHHC, we observed a similar tragedy, when Brexxley Haze (age 44, Georgia) befell the same fate, leading to his disqualification. Despite the stir created by Haze, hobby-horsing waits for no one.
The penultimate event is show jumping, a competition of speed and accuracy in which hobby-horsers leap over a series of rails and obstacles. The show jumping competition came down to a dramatic battle between former country music duo turned extreme rivals Clancy T. Bachleratt (age 63, Texas) and Jackie Snad (60, Tennessee). In a shocking twist of events, the pair ended up tying, inspiring them to join forces for a new album, expected to come out in early 2027.
Last but not least is western trail, where competitors navigate a series of obstacles like gates, bridges and poles in a course to demonstrate good manners and control. This competition brought us the youngest victor in USHHC history: Emmeleigh Kleeglestein (age 17, Utah). Kleeglestein’s ability to navigate obstacles with immense precision and control is what hobby-horsing is truly about. While her elusive public persona prevented her from providing us with a quote, we suspect that she attributes her success to divine intervention and her devout Mormon fatih.
The 2026 United States National Hobby-Horsing Convention was truly one for the ages. We here at Buzzsaw look forward to continued coverage of this epic sport, and are proud to share the beauty of hobby-horsing with the world.
Andrew Stein is a first-year Public & Community Health major who appreciates the art of hobby-horsing. They can be contacted at astein4@ithaca.edu.