An anonymous group of monkey-wrenchers from the Ithaca area have been impeding the construction of the new AI plant off of Cayuga Lake. There have been multiple reports of vandalism, both non-violent and destructive, across the past couple weeks.
When we were able to sit down with the anonymous criminals for an interview, their motivations were quite the surprise. “We don’t really care about the environmental effects, but the plant is being built right where we all hangout and smoke weed, so it’s very important to stop this construction.”
“Yeah, it was either we do this or cover our smoke alarms in the dorms, but the duct tape we tried using doesn’t stick to the ceiling.” Another member explained, “Stopping major construction attempts using elaborate explosives and general hijinks was just easier.”
The group’s attempts to stop the plant from being built range from breaking construction equipment to the use of plastic explosives, along with many other practices that have made the construction difficult. “Yeah, you learn a lot by smoking weed,” the stoners explained, “building plastic explosives and making a gravity bong are pretty similar.”
The group has become an inspiration for many other young people, who have started movements both online and in-person protesting the AI center. When asked about their inspirations, the only thing that the group could cite was, “That one video where BBNO$ went into the woods on acid, that was pretty great.”
Their latest scheme actually involved their favorite hobby, smoking weed. The group was able to sneak into the site and hotbox the entire building, forcing construction to stop, as the high workers realized what they were doing was morally incorrect, going on strike indefinitely.
“It’s good for young people to have a passion, no matter what it’s for,” said one of the construction workers on site for the AI Plant, “I personally support them. The fact that they’re using weed is even better. Before they hotboxed the entire plant, my shoulder was killing me. Now, I have a solution!”
At their celebration that we were invited to, we asked them about their next plan, and if they were going to continue their crusade of stopping non-environmentally friendly construction. They simply replied that the other locations plants were being built “weren’t chill enough to be worth saving.”
It seems to us here at Buzzsaw that idle hands don’t always do the devil’s work. Sometimes, they do the work of the people.
Jordan Costolo is a first-year Film major. He can be reached at jcostolo@ithaca.edu.