Spring Breakers found with Trace amounts of Sunscreen and Hand Sanitizer in their System
A recent trend shows an increasing illness contracted by youth who have consumed trace amounts of sunscreen and hand sanitizer from sneaking alcohol into concerts.
The illness is sweeping across the nation following last week’s spring break for the majority of college students.
Beginning on Friday, March 11th, the popular boy band “Heart Sickness,” started their string of concerts across the U.S., and the performances came to an end after the boys reached their final destination in Los Angeles, CA on Friday, March 18th.
The concerts were extremely successful, pulling in over 20,000 attendees at each performance. The band performed the same set at each destination, but “Spring Break Banger” and “Girls Are Hot” drew the most attention due to their current rankings in the Top 100 Music List.
However, the media tabloids have now dubbed the band, “One Diarrhea” due to the number of illnesses that are still increasing since the boys have ended their concert string.
Just two days after the string of concerts began, over one hundred youths from the major cities where the performances occurred were admitted to the hospital. At first, the CDC assumed there was a new strain of COVID on the rise.
However, after hospitals began more closely monitoring patients’ symptoms and running tests, it didn’t take long for health professionals to realize there was a correlation between the concerts and the illness- that was not the result of a contagious disease.
With the help of Poison Control Centers, traces of sunscreen and hand sanitizer were found in the patients’ blood. After this realization, it didn’t take long for medical professionals to begin finding empty sunscreen and hand sanitizer bottles at the concert venues as well as in the bags of hospitalized patients.
To add to this, parents across the nation also began to discover that the bottles in their liquor cabinet were filled with water.
They’re calling it the Youth Alcohol Sunscreen-Sanitizer Sickness, better known as YASSS.
One patient, Jack-Jack James III, who attended a concert while on Spring Break from Florida State University, has been in the hospital for almost a week now. He claims that at first, he thought he had alcohol poisoning from “how wasted [he] gets every night dude.”
To add to this problem, he stated that he just wanted to meet girls at the concert, causing almost twenty more young females to also be in the hospital because of the hand sanitizer bottles full of vodka he gave them. As of today, over 50 2 oz. hand sanitizer bottles have been found in his possession.
However, Jack-Jack also claims that he “would do it again.”
As a result of youths like Jack-Jack, many concert venues have enacted new laws for upcoming concerts this summer. For example, one venue in Dallas, Texas, is now limiting attendees to bringing 1 bottle of sunscreen or hand sanitizer into future concerts, but they must first be inspected by security.
Another venue in New York City vows to turn away attendees at the gate if they attempt to bring in even one bottle of sunscreen or hand sanitizer.
The manager of “One Diarrhea” stated in a recent interview, “I get more ashamed of these fans every day.”
Stephanie Tokasz is a second-year film, photography and visual arts major who prefers their sunscreen on the rocks. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.