Candyland is in Shambles
The creatures of Candyland, ranging from gumdrops with eyes to dukes that appear to be made out of licorice, shrieked and swooned crazily. It was a terrible scene. The music to a breaking news report played in the background as a reporter, who looked very similar to a gingerbread woman, held the microphone: “A great tragedy has consumed the town tonight as a maid inside of King Candy’s castle has announced that Queen Frostine has been beheaded. Originally on trial for treason…”
Townspeople were anxious to speak on the events, one gingerbread woman grabbed the microphone and claimed, “This is a disgrace! How dare you stand here instead of protesting to remove the King? He is a disgrace to this town and to the entire —.” A gingerbread man swiped the microphone, cutting her off, “That Queen was the most conniving queen this town had seen in a long time. How dare she try to steal the King’s money!” A piece of licorice with eyes then took the microphone, “Steal his money? She just wanted to change the curtains in the castle!” Another piece of licorice made a dive for the microphone, “You’re all wrong!” The crowd erupted as many more began to make a dive for the microphone. Eventually, the reporter was tackled and static filled the screen.
The news reporter then came back on the screen inside of a more controlled studio, “Today, I have conducted a series of interviews with three of King Candy’s ex-wives and others who are close to the royal family. They are as follows.”
A tall, thin woman wearing a light blue dress with snowflakes entered the room and began to speak softly, “My name is Queen Snow Flaky, well, now Ex-Queen Snow Flaky. We divorced just over three years ago because we weren’t compatible. Let’s just say that when he gets angry, he’s not a very nice man. He had a few other wives before he met Queen Frostine, and to be honest, I thought they would last. But she was such a lovely woman. Always decorating the castle and making sure there were no problems in the town. I’m terribly sorry this had to happen. She will be missed greatly. I wish I could do something to help. That poor woman, she was probably just trying to help and got Candy angry.” Snow Flaky placed her face in her hands and began sobbing before she walked away, still sobbing.
Ex-Queen Jackie Frost then marched into the room, wearing a dark blue blazer that complimented her stout body. Her voice sounded deeper than expected as she began speaking, “Oh my lord, don’t even get me started on Flaky over here. We all know she’s still obsessed with the guy. But, let’s be real, Frostine was alright. Sure, she could be annoying, but I didn’t really have a problem with her. To be honest, she was too good for Candy. He deserves to be miserable until the day he’s dead. I don’t know how long it’ll take the cops to figure this one out, but the dude definitely wanted to start over with his life. Marry a 20-year-old bikini model probably. Honestly, he shoulda been the one beheaded. Maybe next time it’ll be him.” She smirked as she got up and confidently walked away.
“Hello, I am Crystal Icicle,” the Ex-Queen stated somewhat passively as she sat down in her promiscuous blue and white strapless gown. “I can’t even begin to describe how upset I am about Queen Flak- oh I mean Queen Frostine. Right?” The reporter rolled her eyes and nodded. “Right, well, now that Frostine is gone, which is such a tragedy, I suppose he’ll be looking for a new Queen.” Crystal then whispers to herself, “Well, Frostine did take all of his money and the chocolate-covered coins. I suppose that’s why-.” She looked up and smiled, cutting herself off. “Maybe now isn’t an appropriate time for that. Candy is such a rich man. Don’t get me wrong, Frostine was a lovely woman, but it’s quite obvious she was in it for the money. I mean, who would do such a thing? Anyway, do you know if he’s still rich?” The reporter motioned for Crystal to leave, and she sulked as she exited.
Princess Lolly, still a child with her hair in pigtails and wearing a dress with gumdrops attached to it, then came in and sat down, her face very clearly red from sobbing. She said, “I miss my Mommy. When is she coming back?” The news reporter gave a sympathetic look. One of the people sitting in the back of the room blurted out, “Do you have any plans as the next heir to the throne? Did you do this?” Princess Lolly sobbed even louder and then ran away from the camera. The news reporter yelled out, “Alright, someone call CPS!”
“Hello dears, I’m Grandma Nut,” King Candy’s mother softly said as she sat down in her brown dress with an apron covered in stains from cooking. “I left some cookies in the back if any of you would like some. I always feared this day would come. Queen Frostine was like a daughter to me. She was such a kind woman, always putting sweet Lolly first. So much kinder than those last few wives of his. Except for Queen Vanilla Ice, she was a darling.” Grandma Nut suddenly got quiet, almost whispering, “She upset Candy too. He had a duke do it. I guess she and Frostine are together now.” She got louder as she said, “I tried to raise him right as a single mother. I really did…” She began to tear up, “I just need a moment.”
Static then filled the screen before a video appeared, showing the protestors outside of the castle. Many townspeople held up signs that read, “Get Candy Out,” and “Behead the King.”
A new Queen already sat on the top balcony of the castle.
The video cut to static and then went black.
Stephanie Tokasz is a second-year film, photography and visual art major who feels guilty every time they eat a piece of candy. You can reach them at [email protected].