I’m a busy woman. I don’t usually have the time to sleep, do my homework, or even pay off my speeding ticket (I really should not be operating a vehicle right now). So how did I find time to write Three ‘Buzzsaw Asks Why’s’ for this issue?
Short answer: I am bad at making decisions. I spent two extra hours this week writing three different paper proposals because I can’t make up my mind. I agonized for an hour on the couch yesterday deciding what to have for dinner. Why do you think we called this issue both sugar and spice? Buzzsaw has its troubles as well. So when it came down to selecting a topic for the highly-exclusive and coveted ‘Buzzsaw Asks Why’ spot, I froze.
Here at Buzzsaw we take our work very seriously. A bad ‘Asks Why’ is a death sentence. Literally. If Cole Lewison doesn’t like your story, he breaks into your house with a buzzsaw and hacks off a body part of his choice. I only have five toes and lost my arm, so there isn’t much left to give. Rather than facing that shame again, I have given options. Cole, if you’re reading this — please don’t punish me again.
The editors of Buzzsaw each spend months preparing for the ‘Buzzlympics,’ where we compete to see who gets to write the ‘Asks Why’ section. Many drop thousands on trainers and gear, and we can’t talk to each other for a month after just to get over the things we say to each other on that fateful day. All’s fair in love and saws. I was crowned champion this year after Brennan’s unfortunate knee injury (what’s with all the guys with lead pipes walking around?). I spent months trying to craft the perfect story, but alas — the clear choice continued to evade me.
So I wrote two, then of course a third one to explain the elephant in the room. I have been locked away for days, typing and crying and trying to get this together. Rachel came to try and break me out of my trance, but I lashed out at her in ways she may never forgive me for. It’s fine. I would give it all up just to feel the warm glow of the saw on me once more.
Who do I think I am? Am I really so self-centered that I think people want to read my nonsense three times over? Maybe. If you have made it this far — I am proud of you, have a great day, and don’t let the buzzbugs bite.
Your Editor who developed a wicked case of keyboard hand,