Map Out your Misgivings
Ever wondered how to keep your life of sin super well organized? Do YOU lust after smooth ink pens, take pride in your color–coordinated excel sheets, and unleash your unrestrained wrath on the people who cancelled plans with you after you specifically wrote in the event in your planner?
Here’s a schedule just for you; the perfect way to keep your life of sin balanced and organized!
The beginning of the week starts with sloth, and essentially our goal is to put the phrase “lazy Sunday” to shame.
The motto for today is “Do less, or even better, do nothing”.
Channel the vibes with: “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars, turning off your phone and taking a 17 hour nap
Ah the first working day of the week. Obviously, you haven’t gotten much sleep last night because you were up doing work you procrastinated on the entire weekend AND YOUR ALARM JUST WON’T SHUT THE HELL UP!
You absolutely should not take a deep breath or count to ten. Today is the day you channel that internal rage and throw your dinner plates across the room, or send envelopes of glitter to your enemies. Whatever gets your blood boiling.
Channel the vibes with: The latest season of Riverdale, or stubbing your toe seven times in a row
Start off the day by calling your relatives and bragging about your grades and your job and your new state-of-the-art Keurig and the fact that you’re not being forced to attend your cousin’s wedding on Saturday. Really use these 24 hours to feel proud of yourself and think about how you are the best person to ever walk this planet, and then imagine your parents being proud of you too because it’ll never happen in real life 🙂
Channel the vibes with: “Me!” By Taylor Swift, or by imagining you’re Rachel Berry from Glee
It’s hump day, need I say more?
Channel the vibes with: “WAP”, or if you’re looking for more spice, try the WAP x Rasputin Mashup
Green is your go-to color today. Your jealousy knows no bounds. It’s not the energetic start of the week, nor is it the weekend and you’re jealous of everyone whose life is better than yours. Also, let’s be honest with ourselves: you cannot be more envious of that one person who posts on Instagram every single day. How are they always doing fun things??? We’re in a panoramic for heaven’s sake!
Channel the vibes with: “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers, “Jealous” by Nick Jonas
It’s your time to feast. Hang out with your friends, order wayyy too much pizza and some garlic bread and chicken wings and maybe some pasta and definitely dessert and honestly you should get some drinks to wash all those down.
Today, your stomach is a bottomless pit.
Take that last bite 🙂
Channel the vibes with: “Bon Appetit” by Katy Perry, Ratatouille
Shop, shop, shop.
Imagine that it’s Amazon Prime day, Black Friday and store shutdown clearance sales all rolled into one and horde all the things you can. Channel your phase 1 COVID self and go to the store to clear out all of those shelves. Don’t think, just buy that panini press (even though you know you’re just going to go to the cafe next door when you want one anyway.)
More stuff will fill up your empty, empty life and make you happy.
Channel the vibes with: “How Bad Can I Be” from The Lorax, “Shiny” from Moana
Ananya Gambhiraopet is a first-year Communication Management and Design major who channels Buzzsaw vibes by listening to keyboard typing noises. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.