These Will Leave Your Comrades Drooling
Hello all! And welcome to this week’s installment of quarantine kitchen! I know that the days keep getting longer and longer and the only reminder you have of the passage of time is dinner with your family, which is usually short and emotionally draining, and a major interruption of your hours of staring at the ceiling, talking to your imaginary friends, sending out distress signals with morse code, watching an old VHS copy of The Rescuers until it’s all you remember of the outside world, attempting to ‘feng shui’ your space by rearranging the plastic table set, futon, and semi-nude photo of Jennifer Lopez again, and re-reading the family copy of Lord of the Flies then being awkwardly suspicious of each other for a few days.
So here are some easy and fun meal tips to spice up your forced socialization!
Are you running low on spices? Since running the most minor errand has become a constant reminder of our mortality and the hopelessness of our current situation I know it can be tough to keep the pantry stocked for every meal, and we have an easy fix for that! Simply collect your tears into a jar and boil them down for fresh salt! This easy fix can be done at any time and is a great personal touch for any meal. And while I know rat droppings don’t sound appetizing, they can add a unique kick to a bland dish!
Haven’t been able to get fresh food in weeks? Simply put your canned veggies into pots of dirt! This will give the allusion of freshness, provide a fun activity for the whole family, and also give your meal a nice earthy taste.
Another easy tip is to set traps for fresh meat. Rats and mice are an easy to catch option that can provide a hearty meal in a pinch. Just make sure you give some time between each trap so there is time for more rat children to grow; otherwise, the supply might be scarce. Another easy way to get fresh meat is to draw straws among the survivors to see who will be consumed by the group! This method can get a little dicey when it comes to preparation so save it for a special occasion, and don’t forget to cook the meat slowly for a soft and savory meal and to allow enough time to pass that the memories fade.
That’s all for today! I hope these tips have helped! Time to give the morse code light back to the “SOS” guy, and don’t forget to signal back with any questions or tips you have!
Sarah Borsari is a first-year cinema & photography major who has spent quarantine building a shrine to Gordon Ramsey. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.