“We will not back down, America has spoken,” say Republicans.
By Mike McCabe
In a recent act of defiance to cooperate with the Democrats, Sen. Jim DeMint (R- South Carolina) refused to pass a box of tissues to his fellow congressman, Sen. Al Franken (D-Minnesota).
The occurrence brought forth strong words from both parties, as Democrats criticized Republicans for what they called “an unprofessional refusal to cooperate,” while Republicans attempted to justify the senator’s actions.
“The American people want this and don’t approve of the Democratic majority, as the midterm elections explicitly proved,” DeMint said. “I was merely acting on behalf of the country’s will. I represented my state in telling Senator Franken, ‘Your time is up, and I’m saving these tissues for when a Republican representative gets a little stuffy.’”
“This is an absolute abomination,” Franken said in response, wiping his snot on his right sleeve. “It was actions like these that were consistently carried out by the last Republican administration that created the crises that we are still dealing with.”
Franken added that the refusal of DeMint to engage in such an act of common decency was representative of what the incoming majority’s plans will look like.
Members of the House of Representatives gave their words as well.
“We have said time and time again, that unless President Obama is willing to work fairly and democratically with the opposing party, that we will refuse to adhere to the policies of an agenda that is out of touch with America,” House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Kentucky) said. “Until we see some drastic changes, it is absolutely necessary for us to make our stances clear.”
While politicians exchanged complaints, citizens shared their thoughts.
“It’s about time that our leaders look beyond petty partisanship and party-driven politics and stood up for what they believe in,” said Billie Joe Finch, a Tennessee resident and known Tea Party supporter. “Thank the Lord for true defenders of freedom like Jim DeMint.”
Others were less content.
“First, it was Bush’s refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol,” Stephen Hoffmanberg of San Francisco said. “Then, they wanted to deny health care to millions. Now, these homophobic, racist, Hummer-driving, Wall Street-backing, war-mongering, rich, greedy, pigs won’t even cooperate with their coworkers.”
President Obama shared his words on the matter as well.
“Clearly, Washington is in a tough situation,” the president said. “I think we need to work on letting the American people know what our real priorities are, by trying to get Republicans to work with us and maybe finding agreements. Hopefully, Senator Franken will be able to receive some form of tissue paper in the near future. Bottom line is, here in the Democratic Party, we’re so pliable that we’ll take just about any sort of minute Republican compromise as a legislative victory.”
During his appearance on The O’Reilly Factor last night, DeMint gave one more defense: “Liberals say that we should lose our health care until a settlement comes. What I did, by denying Senator Franken his tissue, was a symbol of what Obama’s socialist plan will do to hard working Americans everywhere. This is not what the people want, and I am only following their wishes.”
Political analysts are currently predicting a deal that will involve significant concessions from both sides. As it stands, the most probable outcome is that Sen.Franken will receive a third of a tissue. Though some Republicans are insisting that even that is a waste of resources in a time of such debt, many feel that it is yet another attempt to stall any agreements.
Mike McCabe is a freshman journalism major who is considering a move to Canada. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.