Math: Edging.
Your dom would give you a logarithmic equation you have to solve before you get the code to take off your chastity cage. Finish that time tables worksheet, and then it’s your turn!
Architecture: Brutal(ist).
You like it raw and hard like concrete. No latex either way.
Health Sciences/Public Health: Mukbang w/ unhealthy food.
Sometimes the salads in the VIDA cafe aren’t enough to get your rocks off; you need to watch someone eat something so unbelievably cheesy that your arteries clog at the thought. It’s so dirty, and you know exactly what it does to the human body, but that’s exactly what drives you crazy.
Music: Sounding.
Hehehe… heheh.. Heh.
Chemistry: Chemistry.
You don’t really do hookup culture. You’re just looking for that close and intimate connection that comes with an authentic love-at-first-sight type of deal. Squeals cutely! Dattebayo!
Musical Theatre/Acting: Brat.
Your knack for being annoying plays into every facet of your life. Most brats playfully test the patience of their counterpart, but I can’t imagine belting “Defying Gravity” is exactly what your partner had in mind for foreplay.
Finance: Who gives a shit.
I literally do not care.
Film: VR porn.
While indulging in satisfaction, you can continue to pursue your love for cinema, judging angles, dialogue, and formatting until you’re able to suck more than the fun out of any type of video.
Computer Science: That Niche Shit: Celtic feet structures, furries that wear glasses, etc.
Absolutely incel behavior. All your kinks and fetishes are developed through intense internet exposure, due to your unhealthy level of screentime. We know about your love of furries that exclusively wear glasses and bowties, and your love of feet that only extends to those where the longest toe is the one next to the big toe and the ring toe is the same level as the pinkie. Your hyperspecific interests go beyond odd into simply complexing.
Art: Home videos with too much foreplay.
As an artist, you find appreciation in the home videos that are poorly made and severely lack any real eroticism. The foreplay is incessant. In your favorite videos, there’s more focus on the artistic concept of sex than the sex itself
Art History: ONLY foreplay.
Similar to the artsy independent films of art majors, but with a focus on the past. You stop the videos once the foreplay ceases– whatever happens next isn’t your business.
Exercise Sciences: Straight turned gay football player, dl trade, wife with kids.
We’ve all been there; we all love that classic trope. A little thinly veiled suppressed homoeroticism never hurt anyone, especially you!
Jazz Studies: Scat porn.
Scabadee doop badedap badeebap bap
History: Benjamin Franklin stripper who electrocutes you every time you try to touch him.
Another classic. Every history class is a challenge, not to imagine Dr. Franklin sensually stripping down to his big belly peaking out above his woolen long johns. Unable to touch due to the electricity surging through him as he bites his brass key.
World Languages & Cultures: Hentai, no captions.
I mean, I guess that counts as studying. Not a lot of good conversational practice in tentacle fucking though.
Speech Language Pathology: Boyfriend Roleplay Asmr 18+
Psspsspsst… hey… I’m stroking my shit rn im hard as hell rn im stroking my shit i got oil on my shit… psstpsstpsss… *tire running over a tube of paint*
Iris Chapman, a first-year Exploratory major, and Rob Wintsch, a sophomore Exploratory major, can be reached at ichapman@ithaca.edu and rwintsch@ithaca.edu