The Most Infamous YouTube Shorts “Truth Teller”
Hey guys! Welcome back to my channel. You thought that viral Corn Kid was a joyful, well-spoken, punny youth whose favorite food was corn on the cob despite adorably missing his front tooth? YOU THOUGHT WRONG!
He is actually a messenger of the Devil using his acting training by a famous Illuminati member to cover up his secret identity and tempting god-fearing Americans with sweet corn on the cob. Which, by the way, is very expensive and I can only afford to eat one roasted cob of corn on $1 Diseased Corn Day when the Big Farming operation behind my house dumps their pest-infested corn in our shared dumpster, but keeps their little farmhand son on guard to make sure I pay for each cob I try to sneak.
*Stranger Things theme song plays*
Now, I am a worker essential to the backbone of our country-a part-time 6th-grade computer teacher. In my class students learn skills that set them up for the future; they build their own houses online using a state of the art architecture software from 2003.Every time I creepily loom over my students in class, I see their fake land full of pixelated yellow lumps. When I ask them about it, they say “it’s corn” and proceed to sing “a bIg LuMp wITh KnObs- iT HaS tHe JuICEiT HaS tHe JuICE ”
Now why have all of the children planted corn for their build-a-house projects? It’s NOT because it is the only other option besides marijuana- which the school’s server blocked. Obviously, the Corn Kid is a time-traveler from 2003 meant to haunt all of us by acting like corn is this accessible treat- like it once was- when it just is not!!
Now it is time for Rapid-Fire Truth-Telling:
I, CheEzUsIsCoMing, am here to say that Corn Kid is the fourth-born son of actor and Illuminati leader Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson.
When this child says “it has the juice” he is really a pawn of the Jews.
That Jew reporter focused on him because he wanted to control people’s minds–to get them to sing the corn song and focus on not the juice, but the Jews.
To conclude, the Jews control Hollywood, the government, society, and the universe.
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This piece was satirical and meant to make fun of the many ridiculously unfounded and dangerous conspiracy theories on the internet. If you found yourself agreeing with any of said conspiracy theories, especially about Jewish people, please recognize that spreading these beliefs not only emotionally harms people but leads to an abundance of hate crimes in this country.
Jenna Krause is a fourth-year speech language pathology major who has sworn off corn in solidarity. You can reach them at [email protected].
Art by Ruth Ayambem.