M3GAN cinematic universe
With my summer internship search in full swing, I have been inspired by the artful promotion of the film M3GAN. They say “shoot your shot,” and I say “sure, but I’ve never held a gun before, this seems dangerous.” I would like to follow in the footsteps of my forefathers (other gay interns that run the social media pages for various companies) and pitch some ideas for an expanded MCU, or M3GAN Cinematic Universe if you will. Blumhouse, please hire me.
First things first, we have to ensure we have a multi-film franchise on our hands. With M3GAN 2.0 dropping next year, we have to strategize a plan for multiple theatrical releases that eventually move to the darkest alleys of Roku City. Here I propose eight sequels:
Reinvigorated after her previous form as a smart home system is destroyed in M3GAN 2.0, the M3GAN AI is able to infiltrate Funki HQ. Gemma uncovers the secret new model M3GAN that has been developed under her nose! The twist this time? This M3GAN is brunette! And she also has laser eyes or something. She also gets to say “slay” and does a musical number to “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” by Kylie Minogue.
In this installment of the series M3GAN goes to the Funki factory itself, murdering everyone in it to create copies of herself. Why would we stop at one M3GAN when we can have several? We have a strong need for a murderous multitude of malicious mechanical models for the latest and greatest American Girl Doll couture. I see M3GAN as a fashion icon, serving looks and slitting throats. A kickline of M3GANs. Synchronized ominous cartwheeling. You see the vision?
M3GAN Takes Manhattan
On a school trip to the big apple, Cady has no idea hiding among her classmates is a sinister version of M3GAN. Among Broadway matinees of Wicked, sightseeing, a visit to the American Girl Doll store, and dinner at the illustrious Buca Di Beppo, Cady must figure out which of her classmates is a murder doll in disguise. This film obviously culminates with M3GAN climbing the Empire State building with Cady in hand.
MEG4N: The Play D4te
In this film Cady attends college as a computer science major, and falls in love with a cute guy. M3GAN has been stalking her this entire time and now she’s JEALOUS and looks more like a scrawny freshman. I foresee a handsome robot suitor that M3GAN fashions for herself. Picture: M3GAN and H4RRY, robot power couple to the stars. A boyish doll in a tux that eerily resembles a young Justin Beiber or Chad Michael Murray. Soulless blue eyes, smirkish mouth, he kind of looks like Rex from victorious but if he wore a denim jacket. This time it’s H4RRY that falls for Cady, and now the robo-lovers must fight to the death!
M3GAN: Tik Tok Made Me Do It
Something, something, M3GAN goes viral, something, something, PR disaster, Cady’s an influencer? Maybe? M3GAN does Tik Tok dances in this one. Something Something, M3GAN goes on a celebrity killing spree. It’s like that movie with Joe Keery as a murderous Uber driver but it’s M3GAN.
With the other evil toy corporations encroaching, they have stolen the idea for M3GAN and are crafting their own doll lines. This means she has to compete with a handful of other murder robots that are the Bratz to her Barbie. What starts out as a cat fight becomes an alliance of queens joining together to maximize their slay.
The fully murder cyborg M3GAN created in M3GAN X is the ultimate massacre machine, equipped with hidden razors, attachable gun arms, and the bite force of an alligator. An adult Cady who has moved on with her life as a silicon valley girlboss, raising children of her own with M3GAN far behind her now finds herself hunted by the ultimate version of M3GAN. I envision a painfully long cameo by Elon Musk as himself, as the toy company plans to mine the data from M3GAN’s AI to create security robots. Elon is styled horribly, it is evident that he demanded to look younger (which is an impossible task). He is incredibly unfunny, and M3GAN never gets the chance to murder him, because it would be bad for Elon’s brand image. He is on screen for a minute. It feels like hours.
M3GAN Goes To H3LL: The Final Update
Everyone is burnt out by M3GAN at this point. She has sashayed every sashay, she has worn every outfit, killed every type of person. She has M3GANed all there is to M3GAN. Now of course the only solution is to jump the shark. Cue the army of M3GANs! World War M3GAN! M3GAN is actually inhabited by a virus created by Belzebub, so she’s technically a demon. Her whole aim was to spill enough blood to open a portal to Hell, and Cady is of a special bloodline that will allow her to do so. The final battle occurs in Lucifer’s palace in the depths of hell, because of course it does. There M3GAN’s immortal digital soul is returned to the fires, and Cady can fly back home on her giant eagle with Samwise in tow.
Thus concludes my mini pitch. ‘Tis but a glimpse of the MCU yet to be, and Mr. Blumhouse I have a lot more in me. I’ll be emailing my resume and cover letter shortly!
Connor Stanford is a second-year theater studies major who has just been hired as head of development for M3gan Industries. You can reach them at [email protected].