When first writing this piece I was torn about where in time to start, too early and we risk tarnishing the reputation of the roaring twenties. It’s not that the music and the people in the twenties were perfect; they were not. However, I do not appreciate 20s and 30s jazz slander, and as resident writer to this article, we will do no such thing.
Alright, so the 40s.
“Woody Woodpecker” – Kay Kyser
- Holy crap, this song is annoying. I get the appeal, but something about the woodpecker imitations that happen throughout this song are just obnoxious. In case for some reason you do not know what a woodpecker is, have no fear, this song will outline every single basic detail about woodpeckers.
“Put Your Head on my Shoulder” – Paul Anka
- You cannot tell me that this is not such a frustrating song. Did Tiktok ruin this song for me because of weird thirst trap mashups…I’ll let you answer that. I should also mention at this point that my roommate has quite the distaste for Paul Anka and when I mentioned the 50s she immediately mentioned this song and how she hates it. At the end of the day, I have a strong distaste for men singing odd things about women.
“Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” – Ohio Express
- Apart from Rolling Stone Magazine naming this the worst song of the 60s according to a reader’s poll, as a loyal Aretha Franklin fan, how this song somehow beat out in the charts, I will not accept this song.
“(You’re) Having my Baby” – Paul Anka
- First off, this is not very feminist of you, Paul Anka. Second, no I would really prefer not to. Have I mentioned that I am a firm believer in Paul Anka slander? This song is literally just bad, creepy, gross, disturbing, you name it. I feel that putting lyrics into this would be far more crude than just cussing.
“Livin’ on a Prayer” – Bon Jovi
- This song is the most repetitive, consistently annoying, frustrating song ever. There are such fantastic songs from the 80s era of rock, and yet somehow this one still manages to be, in my opinion, the worst white people anthem. It tells the stories of different people at a glimpse in their lives, oh yea just like Eleanor Rigby…20 years before. Every rock song does not have to be about random people in their different lives.
“All-Star” – Smash Mouth
- Shrek ruined this. Shrek ruined a lot of things, but this song in particular. I cannot stand this song. It is laced with malicet. All that glitters is not gold. All you have to do is hear the word “Somebody” and everybody loses their fucking shit.
“My Humps” – Black Eyed Peas
- Ehhhhhh, look okay yes Fergie, but oh my gosh this song is uninspired. Yes, we get it, your humps, but how are your humps? Are they doing okay? Has anyone ever checked in with them?
“Me!” – Brendon Urie and Taylor Swift
- Hey, let’s put two people on a song and one is the epitome of a horrible trash person and the other is Taylor Swift. Oh, and let’s make the song really toxic and demanding of the person it is directed at, saying that they can never find anyone else like them. Maybe that is the point, they don’t want the “me” in “team”.
For this, I have decided that I will just be listing artists that I do not believe have put out good music in the 2020s.
- Machine Gun Kelly, Justin Bieber, Charlie Puth, Drake, and Olivia Rodrigo.
Molly Fitzsimons is a Junior Integrated Marketing Communications major who is sick of bad music and is starting her own band to show you all what good music really is. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.