During the first few weeks of the 2022-2023 school year, students of Ithaca College were sent into a panic following a series of gruesome murders in the West Tower elevator. After further investigation, there seems to be a spirit haunting this elevator. But don’t worry, as it turns out, Betsy is very sweet, and here are some tips on how to get to know her better!
Betsy can only communicate through blood-written messages on the elevator wall. If you have a question for her, tape it on the back of an unsuspecting roommate, faculty member, or squirrel, and push them in! You should get a response when the elevator returns, it will be written in pretty, cursive, red writing on the wall, usually signed with a “~Betsy <3.”
Betsy is very cool and has a lot to say. Did you know that she loves track and field? She’s also very passionate about knitting, fantasy novels, and devouring your body and soul when you least expect it to feed upon the inherent darkness that lives within us all! She’s just like me for real (No students were harmed in the collection of these facts). (At least not ones that didn’t deserve it).
If you are confused about the “WE WILL FEED HER, SHE WILL SAVE US” fliers posted all around campus, the Church of Betsy is the newest religious group at Ithaca College, and they would love to talk with you about how to appease Betsy in order to secure a smooth passage to the afterlife. They hold weekly sacrificial brunches every Friday, where members congregate outside the elevator and discuss the all-knowing entity of Betsy over coffee and bagels. Even Betsy joins in on the feasting after a lottery reveals the sacrifice of the week.
If you want to protect your life, don’t worry. There are many ways you can avoid a bloody death during your daily elevator rides to your dorm on the 13th floor. Betsy is allergic to tree nuts, sunscreen, and bad vibes. Such a mood.
She can also be lulled to sleep with a lullabye, but a bad singing performance assures certain death. If you really want to be extra careful, you can use the stairs. But you can’t escape forever! Members of the Church of Betsy love ambushing stair-users and forcing them in the elevator, and Betsy finds stair-users to be very tasty.
If you follow all of these suggestions, your chances of survival are much greater, but I assure you, by avoiding the wrath of Betsy, you are missing out on a lot of fun!
Jess Williams is a second-year Journalism major who lived in West tower their freshman year and has never been the same since. You can reach them at email@example.com.