Hello world! Welcome back to my page, and thank you for joining me. I am posting today from a remote location where I am not easily identified. This has been a highly requested post by my followers: The Serial Killer Starter Pack.
First off, what will you be carrying everything in? The goal is to make sure you are using a bag that is subtle, but not too subtle that it is suspicious for other people to see you carrying it around. I recommend a gym bag or a backpack for beginners, but make sure that you look like someone who goes to the gym if you’re using a gym bag.
This post is sponsored by Gymshark– I love using their “Everyday Gym Bag” whenever I go out for ‘work’! Use code $KILL at gymshark.com to get 10% off your next purchase.
Now for what goes in your bag. Make sure you have comfortable clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty, and pack plenty of clothes to change if you plan on being out on ‘work’ for multiple days. Another must-have is hydrogen peroxide and pre-treatment. You will be a more obvious suspect if anyone sees you walking around with blood on your clothes!
According to Good Housekeeping, the best method to get blood out of clothes is to dab the stain with hydrogen peroxide and a sponge, then apply pre-treatment and wash the stain in warm water with fabric safe bleach until the stain is gone. I’ve used this method before and it works like a charm!
Next up, what some might consider the most important part: weapons. First off, your best weapons are the ones God gave you; your hands and feet! I recommend a basic routine of light cardio and a series of weights. You should be able to physically restrain your victim, no matter their size and weight.
Your weapon of choice should have meaning to you. You can start with the classics, like a handgun or a knife, but according to data collected by the FBI, only 11.4% of homicides in the United States have been by “other” weapons – this would include blunt objects, poison, explosives, fire, and narcotics. For my brave readers, I recommend making a name for yourself by doing something unique!
While this can’t fit in your bag, be sure to have a reliable mode of transportation. The only thing worse than being the prime suspect in a murder case is your car breaking down on the side of the rode, because then you’ll definitely become a suspect when the tow truck driver notices a body in the trunk!
Get familiar with how your vehicle works, and make sure to take it in for an oil change whenever it’s due. You should always make sure you have a full tank of gas before you go ‘out’ and be sure to have a spare tire in the back.
That’s all we have this week, be sure to check out my previous post on knot tying to make sure your victims can’t escape! #beyou #girlboss #lifehack
Emma Kersting is a Junior Journalism major to whom we had to pay several thousands of dollars to reveal what was in their gym bag. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.