A Step-by-Step Progression
It is the year 2022; you’ve just become Tik Tok famous for a solid 5 minutes. You want to keep this momentum going by trying to revive the Saturday Night Fever of the disco era, the same way a plant mom tries to bring her plants back to life after they’ve already turned brown and crunchy. What’s the point of bringing back the Saturday Night Fever now? It’s like when Star Wars brought back Emperor Palpatine and said he “survived the fall.” Here’s a list showing that the Saturday Night Fever era does not need to return cause you can still have a wild Saturday Night today and wake up in the Sunday Scaries:
1. Hairstyles
Ah yes, the Saturday Night Fever era was known for its iconic hairstyles, almost as iconic as socks and crocs (in sports mode of course). Back then, you could just slap on some hair gel and tease it up for a Saturday night…only to discover on Sunday morning that a new family of birds just made the down payment and moved into their new nest that is your hair. At least in 2022, you can still party at home Saturday night, then wake up to realize Sunday morning that you drunkenly dyed your hair the night before and now have neon E-Girl strips.
2. Fashion.
Saturday Night Fever was known for its flashy, bright clothes. The fashion pieces were so bright and flashy, in fact, that it was hard to tell if you were talking to your friend or a very mouthy traffic cone. Today, with all the oh-so-stylish KN-95 masks, you can’t tell whether you’re talking to a person or talking to one of the geese invading the snow fort on the Ithaca College Campus Center quads.
3. Partying.
Think the parties of Saturday Night Fever were the shit, and Zoom parties just don’t compare? Well, newsflash, a Jager hangover feels the same as it does on a Sunday morning in the 80s as it does a Sunday morning today. The only difference is one person spent Saturday night drinking in leg warmers and spandex, and the other just got rid of the legwarmers.
4. The Saturday Night Fever vs. A Saturday Night Fever.
In the ‘80s, the Saturday Night Fever was about partying like you’ve never partied before, similar to a millennial going through a midlife crisis (realizing Gen Z is the new young generation) trying to prove they can still keep up with the times, then regretting their choices on Sunday. Scary. Meanwhile, today, you have a Saturday Night Fever? Here’s a scary Sunday thought: now you have to stick that stupid fancy q-tip up your nose and give it a little “boogie.” Except no one’s going to want to join you for that dance…
The Saturday Night Fever died in the ‘80s due to Charles Darwin’s theory of natural selection, with the Sunday Scaries proving to be the superior species. However, traces of the Saturday Night Fever live on, but the Sunday Scaries are lurking just around the corner like an evil entity in a horror movie before it jump-scares you and you pretend that brown spot is a brownie you sat on. This century is already scary enough with the fear of leaving your mic turned on during a Zoom call, we don’t need the return of the Saturday Night Fever and it’s accompanying Sunday Scaries.
Lenley Aikin is a second-year mathematics major who is shocked every time she makes it through to Monday. You can reach them at [email protected]