Help Save Grimes
Hey guys. So we all know c might be getting the ol’ fashion guillotine, and I just wanted to post something to defend her.
Grimes doesn’t deserve death, because she has become the Marie Antoinette of the 21st century. They’re doing her dirty just like they did to Marie, because none of the things she actually did harmed anyone. Yeah Grimes may have done and said some questionable things, but that doesn’t make her a villain. Just like when Marie said “let them eat cake” Grimes said “why don’t homeless people live in virtual reality?” People resent Grimes for being glam in a time of struggle, as they did Marie. She’s just living her best life and dressing the way that expresses her art. Her outfits should be taken as an inspiration when our clothing manufacturers have entirely collapsed due to the revolution. We should really blame Elon for being a sucky partner, just like we kind of forget about how shitty Louis the 16th was. Elon was her best shot of getting to space, and honestly I have to respect that move.
We have to remember that Grimes started as a humble independent artist. Yeah she was getting her neuroscience degree paid for by her rich parents and dropped out, but the energy is the same. Grimes committed herself to living the starving artist lifestyle. Living in a crack den until her toes got frostbite, having shockingly terrible haircuts; that’s what puts the grime in Grimes. We loved her so much before she went mainstream.
You can’t really say that Grimes is at fault, because her instability and mental illness should exempt her. She said she locked herself in a room for two weeks and blacked out the windows and didn’t eat and did a lot of amphetamines in order to go intentionally insane to make Visions…that seems pretty crazy to me. Remember when she only really ate spaghetti on tour to the point where she was malnourished and balding? Or the story when she beat a guy over the head with a banjo? She even changed her legal name from Claire to c in lowercase and italics because it’s the scientific symbol for the speed of light. Not sure if you can plead insanity for 30+ years of your life, but it seems solid enough to me.
The artistic contributions to culture Grimes has made are so important too. I really don’t know where it all went wrong really, but it might have something to do with when she joined Tiktok and did the whole “I have a propothistion for the communithsts” thing.
Claire De Lune was one of the best records of 2022, and I don’t know any artist that would be bold enough to release a visual album which included animated robots having lesbian oral sex! The youtube guidelines had to be reformatted to prevent pornographic content from non-human, animated entities; very iconic.
Grimes even pushed the technological boundaries, working with Elon to program the first Neuralink for her record Unseelie. Sure, the Neuralink started playing ads directly into your brain if you stopped paying for your subscription, but that’s not Grimes’ problem. And sure, trying to control hormones and cure mental illnesses with a brain chip was bound to make someone go on a murderous rampage across Nashville. Again, blame Elon for that one. The brain chip wasn’t the only alteration Grimes got during that era, remember the antennae? I literally screamed when I saw her unveil them, unwrapping the bandages while singing “Chrysalis” …actual chills. And yeah, they fell off due to tissue necrosis six days later, but what can you do?
000 was the epitome of a mother and son relationship, you can clearly see how much she cares for X Æ A-XII when she let him help write the record as an eight year old. Some of the lyrics about dairy-free yogurt were strange but I liked the production. It was weird to find out that he was actually a child cyborg, but it was technically legal so no problem there. Letting him get all his teeth plated in platinum may have been unwise, but unconventional parenting is not any reason to execute Grimes.
She even recreated her artistic process for Visions to create the sister album Hallucinations. Going into space for two weeks in isolation might be the most superfluous use of SpaceX technology and resources, but being the first artist to entirely create an album in space is worth it. I don’t support the choice to fast and do amphetamines for two weeks in space, but it was mostly harmless.
By the way, don’t you dare bring up the auto-car crash. It was a Tesla fully-automated prototype, it was purely a coincidence that it crashed with Grimes in the car. A 14 car pile-up isn’t that bad, at least it wasn’t 15. Saying “Immobility really isn’t the vibe” to that one guy who got paralyzed in the accident wasn’t the move, but we all know Grimes has social anxiety.
Anyways, the Hatsune Miku cosplay at the downtown LA general-strike protest in 2037 was such a moment too. I actually was there! She even signed my picket sign, I felt so blessed. The sign is actually hanging on my wall right now. Seeing her fist in the air and those aqua blue wig ponytails was so inspirational. Grimes really is a kind-hearted and socially aware human being <3.
I even had a heart attack when the news broke. I was completely devastated to find out that she had died in anaphylactic shock, but who could tell if you’re allergic to durian before you even try it? But it turns out it was just promo for her album Goodbye! It was kind of a low note to go out on before hiatus, but I understand why she did it. c wanted to commit her time to supporting Elon’s political career and campaign. We could’ve had first lady Grimes, but I’m glad she could make music instead of doing boring political stuff all the time.
It was such an insightful glimpse into her life on Elon’s floating eco-island in the middle of the Pacific to listen to Eden 2. It was so apparent that she needed an escape mentally, but it also made sense because Elon was facing so much outrage. It wasn’t cool that they burnt down those Tesla factories, but it wasn’t very cool of him to create on-site housing and instate Musk-Bucks for the employees.
That’s the main problem really, the common denominator is Elon. It’s all his fault for being a shitty imperialist dudebro honestly. Grimes doesn’t deserve this, but TBQFH…Elon does. Haha. Anyways please petition the Union of American Citizens so that Grimes doesn’t die <3.
Update: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY! c isn’t dead! I’m so glad that I did my little part to save a musical treasure like Grimes. It was pretty shocking to see Elon’s head ripped off lol. I really liked that they let her come to the execution and kiss him goodbye. Her tribute song was so beautiful, “Lethal Affection” is one of her best songs yet. I think I’ll leave this with a couple of my favorite lyrics.
Bleeding hearts they scab so quickly
But cherry blossoms in spring will remind me
The poison in your head, so vindicating
I’ll give up my goodbyes
The reflection in your eyes will die
But I will live on through your lethal affection
Edit: Thanks for the reddit gold kind stranger!!!
Connor Standford is a first-year theatre studies major who wants to be adopted as Grimes’ second child. You can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org. Art by Art Editor Adam Dee.