Looks pretty and keeps the house warm
With the holidays being such a stressful time of year with buying gifts and visiting family, decorating your house is just one more thing to worry about. This is especially true when every house on your block decorates with hundreds of colorful lights and inflatable snowmen. It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed by the task. But now, you can have the brightest house on your street and put in minimal effort. Just follow these easy steps!
1. First make sure to stock up on some supplies! For this simple project, you’ll need:
-a tank of gasoline
-a lighter or some matches
-a ceremonial dagger (optional)
-Christmas spirit
2. Now, you’ll want to spread the gasoline around the house and property.
This is where you can really get creative with your decorating. If you want your decorations to be seen from your windows, focus on soaking your curtains with gasoline. You can even slaughter a goat in the name of Lucifer and place its gasoline-drenched severed head in your window. What fun! Just make sure it’s connected all throughout the house. Think of the trail of gasoline like a string of Christmas lights. If there’s a disconnect in the wire or trail, only some of your house will be lit up. and we can’t have that!
3. Don’t forget about the outside of your house!
Splash gasoline on the outside walls and your front lawn. If you’re feeling fancy, you can make some fun holiday designs on the grass. Here are some ideas:
– A happy Christmas tree
– A silly snowman
– A jolly pentagram
– A sparkling snowflake
4. While the gasoline is still wet, light a match or lighter and throw it on the trail.
Almost instantly, your house will light up in bright orange flames. I guarantee your house will be the talk of the neighborhood for years to come. If you’re lucky, you might get on the evening news.
Bonus Decorations:
1. Why should your house have all the fun? With more gasoline, you can connect all the houses in your neighborhood so each one can shine as brightly as yours!
2. On Christmas Eve, kidnap Santa when he comes down your chimney and crucify him on your front lawn. There’s no reason to take the “Christ” out of Christmas.
3. By spilling the blood of the innocent, you can paint a nice holiday message on your sidewalk for everyone to see. Even better, the red will look stunning if applied onto snow.
Will Cohan is a third year Cinema and Photography major who likes to celebrate the holidays with a bang. You can reach them at [email protected].