Kanye West secretly pens final three Harry Potter novels
Kanye West is a man of many talents — way more talent in his baby toe than most of us have in our entire bodies. Lots of people have had children and come up with names for their children, but how many people have you met named “North?” It doesn’t take much effort to come up with names like “Jessica” or “Susan” or “Jonathan”, but “North?” That takes some talent.
Besides coming up with the world’s greatest baby girl name, West has enjoyed a fine, successful career rapping, microphone grabbing, ranting, frowning and preparing for his great presidential run for the 2020 election. West, however, has a deep, dark, secret that only those closest to him know.
Unless you live under a rock, you should know what the Harry Potter series is. If you haven’t read the series or watched any of the movies, you are a loser who doesn’t have anything to live for and should be very ashamed of yourself. The mastermind behind the world-changing series is a lovely blonde British woman named Jo, better known by her pen name, J.K. Rowling.
For those of you cool people who lived through the series, you know the books are rather lengthy. At the conclusion of writing the fourth installment of the series, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, poor Rowling developed very bad carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and had to have surgery. Recovery took some time, and fans were not very patient. They wanted the fifth installment yesterday. What was Rowling to do?
She contacted the most creative and talented person she knew, Kanye West.
West, of course, said yes. How could he disappoint so many enthusiastic Harry Potter fanatics?
The fifth installment of Harry Potter was an enormous success, to say the least. Rowling was so impressed with West’s work that she got him to write the sixth and seventh installments as well. The fans ate it up. They loved it! Rowling was a genius!
The three books West wrote were under Ms. Rowling’s name. As far as anyone was concerned, she was the one who had penned them.
As the years went on, West started to get jealous of Rowling’s fame. Sure, he had plenty of fame himself and was making a huge sum of cash, but he didn’t like the fact that Rowling was receiving credit for his work. He wanted the world to know that he, Kanye West, was the author of the last three Harry Potter novels.
So what did Yeezy do? He threatened to tell everyone in his most recent Video Music Awards speech. Rowling was horrified. West had promised that this was their secret. How could he ever do such a thing?
Both sides of the party were about four five seconds from wildin for a while. It wasn’t until Rowling agreed to let West name her first grandchild that he agreed to keep quiet about it.
If Rowling has a grandkid and it is named Rose Olivia Francine Lucy or some long ridiculous name of the sort, just remember that King Kanye named her. He’d call her ROFL for short, so he can say that she’s “Rowling on the floor laughing.” Laughing at what exactly, who knows? Maybe at the fact that everyone thinks that someone other than the amazing West wrote the last three books of the Harry Potter series. Or maybe he’d name her South West.
Casey Koenig is a freshman journalism major who still thinks Yeezy is overrated. You can email her at [email protected].