But maybe not the one it needs
Tom Rochon to the rescue! Ithaca College president, Tom Rochon, soars over the beautiful, gray skies of Ithaca, New York fighting crime and ready to save the day. Sources say that Rochon has been seen sporting a black leotard and cape underneath his suit and tie in order to hide his secret identity as Batman. He’s been spending his hours when not in the office battling dangerous villains such as the Joker and the neighboring president of Cornell University, David Skorton, but he spends most of his time at the college saving the students.
Ithaca College student Anthony Stark witnessed Rochon in Terrace dining hall observing the long line of students waiting for ice cream. “He was just silently standing there watching,” Bruce said. “The student employee couldn’t figure out how to work the soft-serve machine which was the last straw for Rochon. He lept over the counter and began filling cones at lightning speed, eliminating the ice cream line completely — something never before seen in Ithaca College history.”
We spoke to another Ithaca College student, Kent Clarky, who witnessed Rochon saving the life of another student. “I was sitting in the quad one day holding my breath, watching the guy balancing on the tightrope,” Clarky said. “He had almost made it completely across the thin rope when he all of a sudden lost his balance. Everyone gasped, but as he was about to hit the ground, Tom Rochon flew out of the tree and caught the guy, safely placing him on the ground.”
One monumental day in particular occurred recently on a rainy Saturday afternoon as the Park School bus stop was overflowing with students trying to make their way over to Wegman’s or The Commons. The T-Cat was more than an hour late, as per usual, when Rochon surprised the students as he circled over the local area and found the bus, lifted it, and carried it on his back as he flew over to the Park School, so the students could load the bus.
Buzzsaw tracked down star, Bruce Wayne, to get his opinion on Rochon taking over his role. “Who is Tom Rochon?” Wayne asked. “Someone is pretending to be Batman and isn’t me? I want this man charged with identity theft!” Buzzsaw left the awkward encounter with Wayne as he was mumbling about how he would destroy Rochon. I guess Rochon has another villain to watch out for.
Rochon’s incredible efforts of making sure everything is running smoothly have been extremely beneficial for Ithaca as his heroic powers have kept out the evil forces and bad spirits. He may even try to bring capes back into style as he dives into his Bat Mobile ready to go out and save the day.
Emma Taubenfeld is a freshman art major who hopes maybe Bruce Wayne can fork over some cash to get free printing back at IC. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.