In President Rochon’s last blog post, he spoke of “serious” concerns for coming years at Ithaca College. Rising tuition and increasing online university competition have left IC crawling toward success.
The Board of Trustees has been working fervently alongside President Rochon to move our campus in a more corporate direction. In fact, this month, Huron Education, a corporate consulting firm, is on campus conducting an Effectiveness and Affordability Review (yes, Office Space style).
So before the president reveals his plan, Buzzsaw would like to offer our suggestion.
In order to ensure that students want to attend our school, that the education is worth more than $50,000 and that our students are ready to do more than go bankrupt, we need to sell out. With an Ivy League institution right next door that boasts a formidable reputation, there’s no reason for us to stand on our own any longer.
Here’s what we can offer to Cornell:
-WAY better view of the lake
-BRAND NEW, $500 billion, barely used Athletic & Events Center that can do almost anything but hold concerts, basketball games, or most other special events and sports. But, it lights up!
-Beautiful fountains that work on average of three days a year (and also light up!)
-Mascot is so ambiguous that it could be easily absorbed into a Big Red Bomber.
-Reigning champions of the world-renowned Cortaca Jug, despite a recent three-year stint of losses.
-La Vincita Café: an ingeniously authentic Italian eatery whose menu consists of items entirely made from flatbread – even breakfast paninis.
-Only business school in the entire galaxy that is Platinum LEED Certified. We’re not sure what that means, but maybe you can figure it out!
-Though Cornell students may be smarter, IC students are more attractive. God doesn’t give with both hands, so now is our chance to merge and create the perfect balance of diversity on one campus.
We agree with Rochon in that, “If we respond to these challenges with vision and determination, however, we have an opportunity to create an Ithaca College that is not only financially sound but also better and more respected than ever.”
IT’S TIME FOR A BAIL OUT.