Iphone users are coming out in droves to complain about the phones new information app, Siri. Specifically, that it is becoming more and more apparent that the service is a staunch supporter of Republican presidential candidate, Ron Paul. Apple Inc. CEO Tim Cook has stated many times that Siri is not sentient and therefore unable to have feelings about a candidate.
Cook added, “If she could, Siri would probably favor Mitt anyway.” Despite this, recently discovered customer interaction interactions suggest otherwise.
— Find a library.
— Did you mean libertarian? Libertarian values are exactly what could help America in this crucial time.
— No Siri, l-i-b-r-a-r-y.
— You should look into Ron Paul; ronpaul2012.com
— Siri, should I get a dog?
–A dog? Elect Ron Paul; he’s adorable! See…
— No, fuck you Siri!
— How much does Turbo Tax cost?
–You know, if Ron Paul were president you’d have to do a lot fewer taxes to do!
— God dammit Siri! I’m a registered Democrat!
–No wonder you listen to so much U2.
–I’m giving us a virus
— Siri, is this how I spell “paradise”?
— You need to cool it.
Supporters and opponents of Paul have been complaining by the thousands about this behavior. Kevin Duarte of New Brunswick, GA already identifies himself as a Paul supporter and has found Siri still continues to preach.
“I mean, I actually like Ron Paul, mostly because the only thing I hate more than taxes is the government,” Duarte said. “But the other night I was pretty baked and was just trying to get directions to Taco Bell and Siri wouldn’t shut up about how Ron Paul would turn America into a borderline utopia that would far surpass any Crunchwrap Supreme. It kinda killed my buzz.”
One opponent of Ron Paul, Teresa Arnold, also complained about the apparent glitch. “I don’t know how many times I have to favorite stuff on NPR before Siri gets the hint.,” she said. “No matter how many times Siri puts the words ‘libertarian,’ ‘ideal’ or ‘gun rights’ in my games of Words with Friends, I’m, voting for Obama.”
Siri’s behavior has been particularly annoying to spoiled 11-year-olds who have no idea who Ron Paul is and just want to make Siri say the word “boob” over and over. Spoiled 11-and-a-half-year-old, Stuart Logan, describes “I just wanted hear Siri say dirty words, but it was like that scene in Smart House when the house goes crazy on everybody. Just a lot less awesome.”
Despite these reports, the individual affected most by Siri’s Ron Paul obsession is by far fellow Republican candidate, Rick Perry, who has allegedly experienced actions that can only be described as trolling.
Aides claim that whenever Perry asks Siri to look up a phone number she either gives him the number for the “Rejection Hotline” or a number with 6 digits. Perry also reports being late to a speech earlier this month because, instead of giving him directions to the school he was scheduled for, Siri gave the Congressman directions to the taping of The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
In related news, the Illinois Board of Elections has reported 17,890 voters registered yesterday with the first name “Siri.”