Ex still listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook
Andrea Kramer, 22, is severely distraught after being dumped last week by her then-boyfriend of six months, Tom. It’s not her broken heart that’s getting to her though, Tom has yet to change his Facebook relationship status from “In A Relationship” back to “Single.”
“In today’s digital world where technology reigns supreme, there are new rules of etiquette when it comes to displaying one’s relationship on a social networking site,” Psychiatrist Dr. Maura Goldman explained. “Tom seems to have forgotten many of these common courtesies, or perhaps he has chosen to ignore them.”
“He still has a picture from our first date at Olive Garden as his default,” Kramer said. “I just, like, can’t accept that he doesn’t want to be with me if he hasn’t changed it yet. It’s honestly just cruel — I thought I was, like, special or something.”
Dr. Goldman explained the critical error to which Andrea is referring, saying, “Tom should know that a breakup displayed online demands that all evidence that the relationship ever existed is removed. That means a total cleansing of your Facebook history, from profile pictures to whole albums, from wall posts to the romantic quote in your About Me section.”
Goldman continued by saying, “It’s a rather negative reflection on one’s character if he or she neglects to abide by this simple rule of thumb. In fact, it’s practically sadistic.”
Holding back tears, Kramer explained how Tom really used to be quite romantic. The couple started hooking up a few weeks before making their union Facebook-official, occasionally writing on each other’s walls or liking a couple statuses here and there. They were happy, but when the day came that Andrea received a surprise relationship request, she was ecstatic.
“I was, like, totally crazy about us being together, obvi” Kramer said. “I put the date and a little heart as my status right away, and I even put Tom’s last name as my last name on my profile. He was totes happy about it. I thought he took us seriously.”
Kramer’s girlfriends have assured her Tom is probably just busy on Twitter, but reports indicate that is not the case.
“Actually, he’s just being a huge douche,” said Kramer’s BFF Jessica Brown. “I always see him listening to Lil’ Wayne and Taylor Swift on Spotify, like every day actually, and he’s been playing Bejeweled for hours at a time.”
An anonymous source has stated that he’s even harvested his crops on Farmville, an act that takes significantly more effort than simply changing a relationship status.
While Tom was coincidentally difficult to track down for an interview, one of his bros, Joe Campesino, was ready to jump on his defense.
“Tom can be a real busy dude sometimes, so he can’t always be changin’ statuses or whatever. Cept’ my boy does really like MySpace” Campesino stated. “But no bro should slow down fo a ho, you know?”
Unfortunately for Kramer, she must simply wait and see what Tom will do. She states that she will continue to post statuses with lyrics from songs such as “Grenade” by Bruno Mars and “7 Things” by Miley Cyrus, hoping to spark a reaction from her ex-boyfriend.
“If he keeps ignoring me and putting this off, I’ll be forced to change my relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated,’” Kramer said with remorse. “And like, I know that’s super drastic, but he left me no choice. My heart’s broken, I’ve gotta save some dignity somehow, ya know?”
Taryn Pire is a freshman English major who is still listed as ‘in an open relationship’ with her ex-best friend from high school. Email her at tpire1[at]ithaca[dot]edu.