Natural born leader shows potential from confines of his crib
This past April gave way to a new hope for America, and it had nothing to do with Obama. Oscar Albert Jr. is the newest face of strength, power and freedom. An avid supporter of being changed at least three to four times a day, there is no doubt newborn Oscar is a go-getter who will be taking charge in no time.
This little leader is a real natural. His cries command attention and grip a room with his enthusiasm, a trait he shares with all of our most celebrated politicians. His refusal to sleep unless all of his toys are present shows his unwavering stance on equality.
“He knows that whether it’s a bear, turtle, giraffe or bunny, all of his toys are essentially the same and should be treated as such,” his proud mother said.
Aside from this, he identifies with the working class man, sporting Bob the Builder apparel and tool-themed utensils to show solidarity with worker efforts. It is safe to assume that Oscar would be deeply inspired by his predecessors in his fight for peace and unity if he were aware of what history is. He even bares a striking resemblance to Gandhi, only with rosier cheeks and a less emaciated body.
Earlier this week, it was reported that Oscar sat up for the first time on his own, showing the world that he will take nothing lying down, not even his naps. “He’s upright in the crib fast asleep right now,” his father said. “You just can’t keep him down.”
Even the community is taking note of this tiny titan to be. Local day cares and nanny services are eagerly lining up for a chance to interview Oscar. His parents have sat down with 23 potential care services since his birth. Oscar is extremely personable, allowing other mothers to hold, hug and play with him. As for the fathers, he provides them with a strong grip on the index finger to show he means business.
The true show of his natural talents as a leader is in how easily he can rally his peers. When in the company of other babies, all it takes is one cry or toss of his rattle to set the others off.
“It’s amazing to see how quickly they take to him. It’s like when he cries, he’s crying for babies everywhere,” said longtime family friend and frequent babysitter Stacey Martin.
According to the mayor, Oscar’s official birth certificate will be on display from now until the 2048 presidential election to ensure that there is no doubt of his citizenship.
Brianna Pennella is a freshman TV-R major who personally thinks Oscar is too progressive for America. Email her at email@example.com.