By Noah Burd In a stern verbal statement released early yesterday afternoon, 525 Oak St. resident Mom let it be known that she would not…
Sawdust
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The Hammond Health Center, in all its glory, has generated way too many complaints, considering it’s in charge of Ithaca College students’ health. We thought…
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By Lara Bonner Charlie Hanson is not your average man—in fact, he has what Dr. Harold Baum at the Cayuga Medical Center has declared “the…
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MedicatedSawdust
Obnoxious Kid Claims He Has ADHD, Gets Away With Being Asshole
by Marc Phillips May 4, 2010By Marc Phillips Jeff Williams, a rambunctious 12-year-old with a penchant for creating trouble, likes to hit his friends and scream in the classroom. At…
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MedicatedSawdust
Millard Fillmore Haunts Sexual Fantasies and Life of 19th Century American History Professor
by Chris Giblin May 4, 2010By Chris Giblin Cornell University Associate Professor James Burton checked into the Elmira Psychiatric Center last night. Burton was allegedly enjoying himself watching Internet porn…
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By Noah Burd Local dead-end supermarket employee and self-styled rock star Dom Bidlow announced Thursday that he would be taking that same Dom Bidlow to…
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If you have anything to do with the Park School, you’ve noticed the slew of new flat screen TVs that showed up in the hallway…
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OwnershipSawdust
Local Dog Suspicious of Other Dogs Pissing On His Fire Hydrant
by Chris Giblin April 5, 2010By Chris Giblin A local bulldog sniffed a fire hydrant he believed to be rightfully his but sensed strange odors emanating from the area. The…
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OwnershipSawdust
Lazy-Ass, Annoyed Judge Tells Divorced Couple to Split Everything Down the Middle, Including Dog, Child
by Chris Giblin April 5, 2010In a ruling reminiscent of the ancient King Solomon, City of Ithaca Judge Joseph Ward put a stop to divorce court proceedings mid-trial last Monday,…