We all have our favorite holiday movies that we used to love to watch as a kid. Ah, sweet nostalgia. Whether it was the cute animated Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the hilarious live-action Home Alone, or even the creepily animated The Polar Express, we can all agree that the holiday season brings out some good traditions of watching these loved movies. However, what if you were to get transported into one of the films? Now, that might not seem so bad at first because there would be Christmas cheer, hot chocolate with marshmallows, and happy endings blah blah blah, yeah right. It might seem like unicorns and rainbows until you realize you’re in a faceoff with a green monster and literal criminals are trying to break into your home. So, here are the absolute worst child holiday movies to get transported into (ranked from worst to even worse).
Film #5: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Transported in as: Rudolph
Sure Rudolph appears cute to any audience as the red-nosed Christmas hero. However, that’s a lot of pressure when you’re transported into a four-legged creature who’s the odd one out of all the other fawns and bullied because of your red nose. Plus, if you choose to add in your love interest Clarice and befriend a wannabe dentist misfit elf who is honestly pretty needy, things start to get extremely complicated. Not to mention the freaking Abominable snow monster trying to attack you and literally holding your parents captive. However, an untold tale of Santa is that he is indeed a jerk. I mean, who would cancel Christmas all because of a big snowstorm? To make things more complicated, you now have to hide this secret of Santa’s temper and make a delivery to the Island of Misfit Toys in order to save Christmas. Or, you could reveal this secret and take the chance of being exiled. But, of course, if you follow all of the right steps, you will end up being the Christmas hero, so it can’t be that bad. No pressure.
Film #4: Frosty the Snowman
Transported in as: Choose between Karen (the main kid) or one of Karen’s friends
In this choose-your-own-adventure story, you get the choice of who you want to be transported in as, and no, you don’t get to be Frosty. If you choose to be Karen, you get to make friends with a snowman and you are indeed the main character. However, you also risk freezing to death and the traumatic loss of the snowman to high temperatures. Not to mention, your name’s Karen. Frosty tells you he’ll be back next year with the magical Christmas snow, but can you really believe him? He is a man after all. If you choose to be one of Karen’s friends, you are indeed a side character, but you don’t risk freezing to death and you may not suffer as much trauma from losing Frosty. I think it’s a fair trade. Most of us are side characters anyway, so why step out of your comfort zone? Either way, you get to talk to a snowman so that’s a pretty cool childhood experience.
Film #3: How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Transported in as: Cindy-Lou Who
This teleportation doesn’t just bring you to the animation version of the film, but instead, you are now a part of the live-action film. Yes, that’s right, you get to exist alongside Jim Carrey, but him dressed as the Grinch actually do be kinda scary. Anyway, a series of events take place that leads the Grinch to vow to crush the Whos’ Christmas spirit. However, Cindy-Lou Who isn’t just your average Whoville resident because she is actually presented with a choice when she catches the Grinch stealing her family’s Christmas tree. As Cindy-Lou Who, you receive the choice to try to convince the Grinch and the town that Christmas is about a lot more than gifts and fancy decorations, or you can run away with the Grinch forever and continue to keep everyone’s gifts for yourselves. Hey, I don’t judge here. If you want to run away with the Grinch and live happily ever after, go for it. The Grinch is actually kind of nightmare fuel though, so we completely understand if you would rather just run away from him and not complete either mission.
Film #2: The Polar Express
Transported in as: “the boy”
Unfortunately, this teleportation doesn’t really provide that much choice because all it really provides is transportation into practically a Christmas horror movie. Instead of existing in a world of Christmas cheer, trying to get through this experience is almost like trying to get out of an escape room. I mean, c’mon, there is absolutely no way that train conductor hasn’t been on America’s Most Wanted before. And everything just gets scarier from here on out: there are dancing waiters, there’s a “ghostly hobo,” the train almost sinks into a frozen lake, and the car gets detached from the rest of the train. Literally, a horror movie that is not friendly to children. Plus, you go through all of that to only receive a bell on Christmas and a sappy story about believing in Santa? Seriously not okay. After hearing all of this, the only choice you really get is to leave the train at any given time, so you just have to finesse how you plan to escape. Plan to jump off the train or detach the car again? There’s really no telling if you’ll survive. Sorry to break it to you, but being transported into this film just does not have an upside.
Film #1: Home Alone
Transported in as: Kevin
Now, this list wouldn’t be complete without this classic. This film can be appreciated by audiences both old and young, but the second you’re transported into the film, this might change a little bit. First off, your parents leave you home on Christmas because they forgot you weren’t with them when they left the house and boarded the plane. It’s understandable to be stressed around the holidays, but this is just the next level. But hey, you have the house to yourself and can now make the best of it, or can you? For some reason, these two men decide to rob your house. And on Christmas Eve nonetheless. Kevin seems to have it all under control in the movie with his insanely perfectly set-up booby traps, but now it’s your turn to put your skills to the test. Think you have what it takes? You can’t copy Kevin’s traps either due to copyright laws, so it’s up to you to find entirely new materials. I don’t know about you, but that seems like a lot of work to me. But, if all goes to plan, you are reunited with your family on Christmas. Yes, it would be the same old crappy family, but it’s gotta be better than whatever the robbers had planned. Well, good luck with that one.
Take your pick!
Stephanie Tokasz is a Junior Film, Photography, and Visual Art major who is elaborately planning the pranks that she’s going to play on any thieves that dare to come to her house on christmas. You can reach them at [email protected].