Three months ago, I quit my 9-5 to pursue a career that had flexible hours, the option to work from home, and the opportunity to be my own boss. I moved out of my parents house and into a swanky apartment uptown, and I could even afford to shop at Whole Foods. How do I do it? Simple. Once a month, I climb the volcano, throw in the cursed book and make sure it burns.
It all started when I was contacted by an associate of Cutco Knives who had sunken eyes and smelled of sulfur. They promised me that their knives were legit, durable, and that they were only one sale away from ascending to the “plane of possibilities.”.’When I declined the sale, they leaned in and told me that there was another opportunity that may be more tantalizing. It was then that they gave me the cursed book. When I first saw the cursed book, it smelled of cinnamon and leather and had faded pages like a well-loved library book. Holding it made me feel whole for the first time in months, and I was drawn in by it’s intoxicating intrigue. The associate told me that all I needed to do was destroy the book on the first of every month and endless wealth would befall me. I took the book, unsure of whether or not I would complete the task. Yet the next day, as I was standing by the water cooler at my job discussing Jessica’s round baby, I felt a piece click in my heart. I quit that afternoon, freed from the chains of my old life.
The cursed book is as solid as steel and as durable as mountains. The first time I tried to destroy it, I dulled all the knives in my kitchen and almost burned the house down. The second time, I dented the front of my car and, the third time, I melted my trash can. I have found that the only effective way to destroy it is to climb the local volcano and throw it into the boiling magma. I destroy the book on the first of every month, and a small pile of gold appears beneath my pillow the next morning. The book reappears on my doorstep three weeks later and the cycle continues.
This job has allowed me to really pursue my hobbies and make a comfortable life for myself. I’m making art, dating and really exploring who I am outside the stresses of work. Sure, the voices sometimes get too loud and I have to lay down, and often I contemplate throwing myself in after the book, just to make things easier. Still, I just bought tickets to go to Italy next month and that’s going to be a really exciting trip.
I’m thinking of taking a break from my work, maybe returning to something with more structure. For some reason, every neighbor, friend and coworker I have offered the job to has inexplicably turned it down. I might have to force the book into their hands and hope that they have the same need for wholeness that I once did. Until then, I am going to keep my head down, climb the volcano once a month, and continue hoarding my gold for a rainy day.
Your Editor who is going back to her MLM,
Sarah