Hide every Shade of Envy
Ever seen someone wearing the shoes you’ve literally dreamed about and contemplated ripping them off their feet? Ever seen how big someone’s house is in an Instagram picture and yearned to have more than $200 in your bank account? Ever seen someone getting a hug in the show you are watching on Netflix and wished desperately that you were being hugged since you haven’t been within 6 feet of a person in a year?
In any of these situations, have you felt a crawling of warmness grow on your face or seen your skin start turning a sickly green? Well, you’re not alone. And there’s no need to crawl into a trashcan and start living like Oscar the Grouch.
What you’re experiencing is Turning Green With Envy, a skin condition that is not uncommon. But not to worry, TGE is a purely cosmetic condition that is easily treatable.
“How can I treat it?” you may ask. It’s easy with our product Green Screen. Simply apply the moisturizing, concealing cream to your skin every morning, and it will protect you for the entire day. With Green Screen, you will no longer have to worry that you look like Shrek when you see pictures of your classmates from high school who have succeeded with ease.
Green Screen is a light cream that won’t clog your pores or make your skin itch, and it is guaranteed to keep your skin within one shade of its natural color. It lasts for a full 24 hours without needing reapplication, keeping any resemblance to the Grinch at bay.
Worry about everyday envy and the effects of TGE no more! With Green Screen, your skin will look like a dream, free of any mean green gleam!
Sydney Joyce is a fourth-year writing major who is always a calming shade of sage green. You can reach them at [email protected].
Art by Art Editor Adam Dee.