A year ago, I got a cowboy tattoo above my right knee the day after my mom specifically told me not to.
Fairly, she was worried I would regret it. At the tattoo shop, I was hoping to feel some kind of rush or a sense of rebellion, but instead I felt like I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was making a mistake. All it took for me to go from completely excited to questioning my decision was one, albeit unyielding, edict.
It’s not exactly indecision I struggle with, but resolve. I have a hard time sticking to my guns.
Part of my usual susceptibility is that, yes, I often care too much about what other people think, but it’s also not always knowing what I want. I think I want a cowboy tattoo but… what if I regret it? All it takes is for someone to point out the doubt I already have in the back of my mind, and suddenly I can’t shake it.
The thing is, it’s unavoidable. Part of making a decision is knowing that you might regret it. I can’t predict how I’ll feel about my tattoos in 20 or 30 years, but that goes for every decision I make.
A month ago I got another tattoo, this will be my fifth. Again, I didn’t spend much time deliberating over what to get. Getting a tattoo probably isn’t something to be cavalier about, but sometimes I feel like I have to force myself to do something to tame the fear of never doing anything.
I even had to force myself to write this piece. I guess if I’ve decided I want to be a writer I actually have to write something for people to read.
Anyways, I don’t regret the tattoo (at least, not yet). It makes me feel like my own person; I am the one who makes the decisions for myself. Maybe that’s also a product of coming to college and realizing that I can skip class to go see a movie in the middle of the day without having to explain it to anyone.
Resolve is something that I’m working on, whatever that means, in myself and my decisions.
Instead of being paralyzed by the dread of potential regret, having the confidence to make a decision and stick to it. Not exactly the confidence in myself, but confidence in figuring that out.
Change can’t happen if I’m living in the proverbial box I’ve made for myself. If I’m only operating within the suggestions of other people.
I am learning to be okay with other people’s opinions of me. Having the confidence in my ability to change, to add another tattoo or to try something scary. To not let what others think change my mind.
Sticking to my guns.
Abby Richardson-Wymore is a Sophomore English major with a Writing minor who reminds us that learning to be comfortable with discomfort and change is nervewracking, but we should do it in spite of our fear. She can be reached at arichardsonwymore@ithaca.edu.