Connor Franta’s POV: December 5th, 2024
I feel so lost…. Yes, I’ve written 3 memoirs each less popular than the former, and have run multiple marathons, but some days I feel so lost. I miss the O2L boys, our gay house… and I miss Troye. My first true love, Troye Sivan. I feel like his song 1999 “I just wanna go back” so that’s exactly what I am going to do…
I am going to build a time machine for July 25th, 2014, the release of “Happy Little Pill,” before Troye was “brat” and “verse.” I call my old friend Gay Asexual Ricky Dillon (note Ricky Dillon no longer identifies as asexual, just gay) and ask him if he would like to build the time machine with me he says “Yes.”
Ricky Dillon comes over with his antenna and we build this ^^^^^^ (as seen above)
We use a Four Loko as fuel and we are ready to go. 4,3,2,1 liftoff!
BOOOM!!!
We land in 2014 at the “Happy Little Pill” release party at the O2L house….. OMG, it’s Troye! He looks like a beautiful cherub baby! FML! Why did we ever break up!!!! Tronnor4lyfe I say! I try to make my way over to him but wait. There’s me in 2014! We were so in love, but I can’t be seen by 2014 me, or else the spacetime continuum will rupture (it doesn’t matter if 2014 Ricky Dillon sees 2024 Ricky Dillon cause he’s irrelevant tbh) but I’m THE Connor Franta so it matters. Finally, Troye slips away from Connor (2014) so I make my move. As I walk over to him I am accosted by Tyler Oakley????
“Connor? Hey girl!”
“Oh, hi Tyler.”
“Looking good, when did you grow a mustache?”
“Oh you know, well, actually I’m Connor from the future.”
“The future? That’s crazy!” (Tyler Oakley gasping excited voice)
“Yeah, I came back in time to talk to Troye and tell him about our futures!”
“OH! Do me do me, what do I do?”
“You grew a mustache and have a podcast maybe?”
“Oh cool, do you know what’s up with Joey Graceffa?”
“Still gay.”
“Oh, monkey covering eyes emoji.”
“How’s Colleen?”
“Oh, well um…”
“Never mind who cares about her! Toodles!”
Tyler walks away in a sassy gay way, damn he’s annoying as fuck. Now, back to the reason I’m here, Troye. Suddenly, I hear a booming voice over the house’s sound system, “Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, here is “Happy Little Pill” by Troye Sivan.” Troye’s Australian/South African angel voice floods through the speakers, it’s like the gates of heaven opening. I notice him standing alone in the corner, he has put on a hoodie and sunglasses to appear discreet but I would recognize him anywhere. I tiptoe like an alley cat to his perch. I grab him by the hand and drag him out by the bunny hutch that will end up being stolen at the O2L liquidation sale.
“Troye it’s me… Connor Franta” I say.
“Connor?” he questions.
“Yes, it’s me from the year 2024, I’ve written three memoirs that no one has read.”
“2024, that’s crazy, what am I doing?”
“You’ve become an international gay icon!”
“Really? “Happy Little Pill” reached far and wide?”
“Well, no. But you released three amazing albums, Blue Neighborhood, Bloom, and Something to Give Each Other.”
“Oh, that’s so cool” (he says this in an Australian accent)
“Shall we kiss with tongue?”
“Yes!”
We kiss with tongue…
The end.
Ari Klein is a sophomore writing major who needs another Connor Franta memoir NOW and thinks Troye Sivan is the world’s best blouse (femme top). You can reach Ari at [email protected].