There is a forest of Chlorophytum comosum at my Bubbie’s house, the largest plant in a pot so full of soil she can no longer lift it, the leaves half the length of my legs, arching up and away. They produce more and more plants from their shoots; every time I see her she begs me to take some home. She goes so far as to let some die–this takes weeks, Chlorophytum comosum plants are resilient. I’ve only done that to a few plants (2-4 gifted Bromeliaceae, a hopeless Lavandula plant, an Asplenium antiquum). I take all the plants that she gives me.
I had two of these plants in a pot I made in high school in the shape of a pair of jeans, about the height of a tall can of soda. Recently I noticed a shoot coming from one of the plants occupying the left leg of the jeans. The shoot is beginning to flower and grow pups, more spider plants that will soon be ready to come off the stalk and be put in their own pots.
Today I saw my ex-boyfriend at a coffee shop. He said he never goes to this one, I said I do and I said a bunch of other things that tumbled out of my mouth one after the other. I don’t know how many times I said “I’ll leave you alone now” then stayed to ask him another question or to answer something he asked me. It’s been almost a year since we broke up, and it was the second time I had seen him since then.
When I noticed the shoot, I realized it was time to repot the plants. They’d been waiting in those jeans for 2-odd years, with the roots at the seat of the pants thick and white, and the roots at the bottoms thinner than floss and poking out of the drainage holes. I fought and wrenched the plant from its home, nestling it into a larger pot with fresh dirt.
Sometimes I feel guilty about the person I was, the person that avoided his love notes because they made me feel sad instead of loved. I think that those past versions of me, and him, existed so that who I am now, and whoever he is, can be. Without who I was I wouldn’t be the me I am now, the person that can feel guilty and also understand that I did what I needed to do.