People seem to really like spilling tea. I’ll be wandering around aimlessly because I have nothing better to do with my life, and I hear people talking about tea really excitedly. “What’s the tea?” “Spill the tea!” There’s a couple things off about this. First, why are people so enthusiastic about tea? I mean, I like tea too. It tastes good. It’s relaxing. But I’m not going to beg people to share their tea with me. I can get my own, thanks. Specific details about the tea also seems to be really important. The kind of tea I drink doesn’t really matter a whole lot, but I understand if people have their preference. The thing I really don’t get is “spilling the tea.”
Why would anyone spill tea on purpose? It just seems like a waste of perfectly good tea. People are apparently going through the trouble of heating water, making tea and then just spilling it. Why? What is the meaning of this? The tea’s all gone. No one can drink it and now someone’s got to clean it up. So I hope spilling the tea was worth it because now there’s a goddamn mess all over the floor and everyone has a tea deficiency. Congrats.
The only possible explanation for this is that spilling tea must be really fun. I’ve never actually seen someone do it, but I imagine people can get creative with it. Someone can pour tea directly onto the ground or smash the entire teacup against a wall. That actually sounds really sweet. Of course, there’s still broken shards of teacup to watch out for but it sounds like the danger is part of the fun. I might have to try it sometime. Could be cool.
Your editor in taking everything literally,
Will Cohan