During a particularly high stakes game of Would You Rather, a girl asked the group “Would you rather have your WORST sex recorded and broadcasted OR cartwheel naked in the pub?” Without much thought, I replied, “FOR SURE cartwheel naked through the pub.” Immediately the laughter died down and an awkward aura washed over the group.
I was out with my friends, all of whom were familiar with the fact that I was assaulted during my freshman year of college. It was an incredibly hard time for me and they supported me the best they could, something I am very grateful for.
My friend who posed the original question quickly became apologetic, “Sorry.. I wasn’t really thinking.. I shouldn’t have…” she said. But I was taken aback by this sudden shift in energy, I wasn’t even thinking about my assault… I was thinking about the time I ate sweaty skater ass.
This interaction made me think,
Why does being assaulted have to be the worst sex you’ve had?
I think the biggest differentiating factor for me is that I don’t consider my assault as a sexual experience in the first place. Yes it was bad, but I had no say in the sex that was happening. “Bad sex” doesn’t involve being stripped of your autonomy, it’s what you gossip about over a game of Would You Rather at Thirsty Thursday.
This being said, here are my:
Top Ten Collegiate Sexual Encounters that were Worse than Getting Assaulted:
10. Exclusively having sex to the album “Oncle Jazz” by Men I Trust for the entirety of a 6 month relationship
9. Snuck a man into my childhood home, only for him to finish in 3 minutes. After, he made me go through all of his story highlights and Depop reselling account.
8. About to be fingered by a French 20-something… until he stopped at the last minute to tell me that he has a boyfriend (the boyfriend was 52, this happened 3 more times)
7. Sex with a 27 year old from Baltimore in Italy where he almost forgot to take out his grill before eating me out (he thought I was going to rob him, I think he gave me an STD).
6. 90% sure I gave head on an East Tower toilet.
5. His Dad walked in and made him move a dresser downstairs. I was left in his Star Wars Themed bedroom to listen to the entirety of “Grace” by Jeff Buckley.
4. Period Sex in a hammock in the Natural Lands
3. The first time I gave head (I threw up).
2. Threw up Chicken Bokum from Asia Cuisine while giving head (then cleaned it up to the album “Oncle Jazz” by Men I Trust)
*For all receivers’ sake I no longer give head.
1. Daytime sex. Freshman dorm. Upper Quads. 2022. Head (redeeming myself from Number 3). Dingleberries in their asshole hair. I didn’t stop. Any questions?
In the past two years, I have reached a place where I view my assault as a very matter of fact thing. The issue is that while time goes on and the weight of the situation lessens for me, there will always be a sense of gravity to my assault that never disappears. To others it can appear as a scarlet letter– something to be mindful of, which is understandable. My friends have seen me at my lowest, and I think there is a fear that “sparking memories” may bring me back to where I was two years ago. At times, I do appreciate this but it can become jarring when it is thought of by others more than I think of it myself.
I’ve always found sex to be absurd. By giving the situation less weight, I can allow myself to still view sex in a positive, humorous way– but I’ve come to learn that this is something only I can do. Although I hope with time, others can do it with me.
Yes, I was assaulted but I can still have bad sex.
*Anonymity is important, but if my assaulter figures out who wrote this…No. 1 was you and it happened twice 😛