I am incredibly grateful to have made it another trip around the Crackling Moon, and now it is my greatest pleasure to share with you about my accomplishments in this rotation. At my last gala, I undertook a personal mission to unveil my greatest creation prior to the year’s end. Rough sketches were made and ideas hashed out with some of the brightest evil minds of our age.
I am proud to announce to you all that we have successfully perfected the first completely bionic monster that has its own consciousness and unique thought process. It is not a computer program and it will be able to think for itself.
It pleases me greatly to announce that my monster will be at my annual Gala of Evil: The Year of the Monster, aptly themed in my opinion, for the course of this year. You are all invited, and I hope to see many of you there to engage and converse with my brightest invention.
For the less-experienced ones out there, eager to try their hand at some evil brainstorming: there will be a naming competition for my monster. The winner will also win an extremely coveted internship lasting 3 cycles at my invention company to study under my scientists and I, and help plan next year’s Gala of Evil and its theme.
May the most vile ideas prevail! I hope to see you all next Friday the 13th at 1313 Uncanny Lane in the Hoia-Baciu Forest of Romania. To my ghoulish guests, please ensure that you turn after the fourth skeleton arm but before the hangman’s noose lest you stray too far.
The gilded black rope will be drawn at 2am exactly, with festivities beginning promptly at 3am. Parking, party favors, overnight lodging, and sitters for the youngest among us will be provided as desired.
I look forward to receiving your RSVP as soon as evilly possible if you have not forwarded it already. Please include any food allergies and necessary accommodations you and any of your guests shall require.
Yours Truly,
Countess Sylvia