Do you recall the moment when someone first told you that you had just turned a whole year older, and it registered? It may have left you feeling puzzled. You probably wondered why everyone made such a commotion about birthdays when you felt the same as before. You hadn’t become taller, wiser, or wealthier overnight. So, what was all the fuss about?
The big deal is that the occasions matter to us. They remind us of what we consider significant in our lives, whether it be events, people, cultural identity, or something else. Reminiscing and reflecting on the past can be beneficial to us on our journeys of self-discovery…provided it doesn’t go too far. It’s normal to attach emotions and memories to holidays. They often evoke a bittersweet nostalgia.
Ironically, many experience a feeling of bitterness instead of sweetness on their birthdays. According to a Refinery 29 article, “While there hasn’t been much research into birthday depression specifically, anecdotally, the birthday blues are becoming a common feeling that people experience each year.” Some may feel neglected, or they may feel discontented with where they are in life on their special day. This is part of the reason why some people say, “birthdays suck.” Because we run into existential crises, we are reminded that we have made another orbit around the sun, and this realization can take over the celebratory nature of birthdays, specifically for those facing personal struggles.
Birthdays aren’t the only kind of celebration causing a frenzy. In January, my phone was flooded with an insurge of Tik Toks surrounding New Year’s and all the expectations that come with it. There was an influx of commentary around planning for the year ahead and looking back on what you learned in 2023. Personal growth and setting corresponding goals aren’t inherently bad ideas. However, it sometimes seems to suggest the key to bettering yourself is changing who you are, rather than what you could be doing differently.
This running commentary on New Year’s can lead us to put unrealistic expectations upon ourselves. It’s worth noting how stressful that type of pressure can be. We pick apart our current situation, vow to break bad habits and indulge in our fresh new life. But what happens if you feel worse than you did last year? What if you don’t feel different at all?
I asked Psychiatrist Dr. Maureen Empfield what her thoughts were on New Year’s resolutions. She described them as “very cute.” Cute…as in unrealistic. A lot of New Year’s resolutions fall apart come February because the expectations we set for ourselves are too high. We don’t magically become new people on January 1st. If we can set attainable goals for ourselves rather than unrealistic expectations, we wouldn’t be as disappointed in ourselves for being human. In fact, we’d be proud of ourselves for making progress instead of shaming ourselves for not being perfect. Instead of saying, “I’m going to go to the gym everyday starting February first”, we can reframe this by saying, “I’m going to go for a brisk walk three times this week, and maybe a run when I feel up to it.”
The rush between Labor Day and Christmas can be a stressful time for many. Dr. Empfield offered an example of this. “Some parents cannot afford to get their children everything they want, and this can cause a strain.” Everyone wants to be able to give their children what will make them happy. This is a nearly universal truth. However, for a variety of reasons, many families can’t do so.
Our society seems consumed with accumulating stuff, especially during this rush season. It’s nearly impossible to avoid. This can cause people to forget what holidays are about: joyfully coming together to celebrate what’s meaningful and important to us. There’s truth to the fact that capitalism has twisted our view of the holidays into something performative. The real meaning of the holidays can become diminished by the pressures and expenses that come along with it.
As stated in Yes! Magazine, “…our levels of consumption contradict our values and attempts to divest from capitalism, and our celebration is permeated by the allures and beliefs of this system of oppression.” We must remember that we already have everything we need, and the constant yearning for more comes from societal systems set in place. Although we do not control that, we can evaluate our complicity in these systems and consider how we can change some of our behaviors to regain control of our lives.
One way we can take back our holiday spirit is by doing something for somebody else. This can be as small as giving someone a compliment or as big as volunteering at a soup kitchen. The possibilities are endless. Helping others gets you out of yourself and almost always improves your mindset and outlook.
The holidays will always hold the same meaning, regardless of any money spent. For Empfield and me, the holidays are about family and friends coming together. For others, like my Great Aunt, it’s about honoring religion. I’m lucky to have a functional family that puts a lot of effort into getting together and celebrating every year. But the holidays are a different experience for everyone, and oftentimes people forget this. Regardless, we can reshape how we feel and go about experiencing them.
Personally, in years prior, I had a hard time on my birthday. I found it more stressful than anything. I felt an immense pressure to make it the best day in the world. When it wasn’t, I was left feeling unimportant and dejected. I decided to go about things differently this year. My birthday landed during our fall break. Of course, most of my friends went home to visit family. I was a bit frazzled by this. Rather than dwelling on it, I decided to invite some of my friends from home to visit me at school. Three of my best friends came and helped make my birthday such a special day for me. Even though it was a smaller celebration, I was with people I truly cared about, and that was more than enough for me. I also don’t see my birthday as an event anymore, but rather a milestone. It’s important to recognize that no matter where you are in life, you’ve made it this far and that is always something to be proud of.
Ultimately, the essence of celebration was never meant to lie in grand gestures or material abundance but rather in genuine human connection and the spirit of generosity. As we navigate the frenzy of festivities, let us remember how powerful small acts of kindness can be and the power in genuine reflection. By embracing a spirit of gratitude and compassion, we can transform any occasion into an opportunity for growth, connection, and collective joy.
Natasha Horowitz is a second-year writing major with a concentration in creative writing. She hopes everyone can try and find joy in every occasion. They can be reached at [email protected] .