A lot of life is trying not to get triggered by things you thought you were over. Things like shaving or friend groups of three. Things that didn’t mean anything to you at the time but are now permanently ruminating in your mind. Always holding a different meaning to you. I have been self-harm-free for almost a year and a half. I don’t experience many urges anymore and haven’t relapsed. However, as I enter the same shower that I cut my wrists in, it can still be challenging. There was a time when I wasn’t allowed razors in my possession when I wasn’t trusted. As I go through my shower routine, shampooing, conditioning, and washing my body, I still find myself hesitating when grabbing my razor to shave my legs. I lather my legs, grab my razor, and start running it up my legs. I meticulously make sure I am getting every spot until, ouch. I look down and feel a slight burn and begin to see dark red run down my legs. I panic. Why do I feel comforted by this? Why do I feel a sense of nostalgia? Am I really missing cutting myself?