All my energy is being consumed by fighting my thoughts, feelings, anxiety, and all that I don’t want to be. It feels like I can’t even show up as the person I want to.??
Maybe that’s not the person you are meant to show up as. Doesn’t what you typically find beautiful also seem effortless? Why is there all this anticipation of becoming? What if…you were as you are? Half of who you used to be, maybe, still clinging onto some of your old skin, habits, and ways of showing up. It takes time to let this fall away from you. It’s a process. You don’t have to deny yourself time to process just so you can show up in the world as something whole, something conceivable to small minds. You can be an enigma. Easy-going and hardheaded. You can still have venom in your veins, fire in your chest, and a softness like smoke to the words that pour out. No longer trapped in your throat, you can speak the poisonous things that have been slowly killing you. Let it all leave you. You can have underground battles, while daisies bloom in the same season.??
Both sugar and spice, grace and grit, broken and beautiful.?