Close my eyes and count to ten
Over and over and over again
As words slide on the slate of my mind
And don’t take hold, and drift again,
Drift away, those thoughts unread
Those words unspoken, soaked with dread
Those details that cannot be faced
Those answers that could not be said;
Shifting and sliding, the very ground
The earth on which i stand and sound
My horn into the bitter air
While expecting quiet to come around,
I’m standing still while lit aflame,
Seeking calmly still to tame
The things that already have destroyed,
The world that i still try to name
The world that i still call my own
That ended long ago, the throne
That toppled long ago, the bone
And flesh that sunk me like a stone.
Here i count and rhyme and write
Speak proverbs so quaint and trite
Sit at a desk that falls from the sky
And soon will fall beyond your sight–
Is all i do a desperate try
To blind myself to what my eye
Will always see—the blinding truth
The only thing that’s not a lie:
The fact that time has dug a hole
That who i am is a withered soul
That i count and count and hum and stroll
To have some semblance of control