when i was younger, i thought
“lost at sea”
meant someone who had flown a little off course
sailed their ship into the wrong group of islands
i thought anyone
who was lost at sea
could find their way back.
this mindset never left as i grew
i thought amelia earhart became old on an undiscovered beach or
washed ashore in a small village
where she met the love of her life
and decided not to go back to the land she once knew.
i still don’t know if that was hopeful
or idiotic
all i know
is that you left me next to the ocean
and there’s still a part of me
a hopeful, idiotic part
that believes you’re only
lost at sea
and you’ll find your way back.
i know that’s not how life works
i know amelia earhart’s plane most likely landed
on jagged rocks
with jagged waves lapping
I know that you have most likely found someone
who is just a little sweeter
who would be alright if you left her
cold, on a wind-soaked beach
warm, because that’s the last glimpse she would have of your
sky.
there’s this part of me,
idiotic,
hopeful,
that still believes you could love me.
as i got older i learned
i am more forgiving than the ocean
who is fair, not cruel,
who takes only what she deserves
and allows the rest,
harsh, at times, but warm,
and beautiful,
she reminds me of you.
you, and your waves,
disappearing, sending
thousands to their death
but giving even more the chance
to finally feel alive.
i’ve missed the way
you made me feel
Alive.
when i was younger
i would visit the sea,
think of all of the people
who were lost
who had found themselves
thrust into an unforgiving place
asking redemption of an unforgiving mistress
hoping they were not to be the last –
i would bury my feet in the sand
hear whispers, thoughts of a
you i didn’t even know yet,
as bitter saltwater filled my lungs
like i imagined
their last breaths
to be.
i guess i still believe
you can be found
if you’re lost at sea,
that news stories are just pessimists
and the ocean will,
just once,
be kind.
it’s the last thing i have of you,
saltwater waves,
you were never lost at sea
just lost to me,
but i still think
hopeful,
idiotic,
you’ll find your way back.