The powder box was heart-shaped and pink. The powder itself was glittery and edible and until a few months ago, it was hidden among hair products.
I bought it as a senior in high school because my friend said she bought it and used it and it made blow jobs taste like vanilla cupcakes. WHAT?!
I wasn’t a virgin at the time, but I also wasn’t all that experienced either. But I wanted to be. And I believed this was the best way. If guys knew I had this edible powder that I could put anywhere on the body, then surely the sex would be better.
My friend misled me. See, she had a boyfriend. She had this guy equal parts horny and loyal who was totally fine with her whipping out this powder, dabbing it on a bit (with the fluffy pink makeup puff), and then going in for the kill. I, on the other hand, little, single me was not sure about the logistics of this thing. So let’s break it down:
In order for the powder to be used properly, I would need to be making out with a guy first, decide to take it to the next level, say to him, “Hold on, wait, let me get my powder,” because of course it would be conveniently on hand, then dab it on anywhere on the body and assume he would still have respect for me at the end. No! And so I kept it, hoping someday I would have that horny, loyal guy willing to use this edible powder, which did in fact taste like vanilla cupcakes.
When it came time to pack up my things for college, there lay the powder box, tucked neatly between an old hair straightener and a collection of serums. I couldn’t let my mom see this, so I quickly threw it into a suitcase of clothes and hauled that promiscuous little thing up to school with me.
A few months in, I met that guy — the one willing to experiment. And so we used the powder. We went to town with that damn powder. But like the powders of Fun Dip, Victoria Secret’s Edible Shimmer Powder can get old fast. Also, it is very difficult to remember the powder’s existence when wrapped up in a fit of passion. There is really no opportunity for, “Hold on, wait, let me get my powder.”
I was single again by the end of the year, and the powder found its place again among the hair products. Girls on my floor found out about the powder and were intrigued and wanted to taste it. I felt cool and special, but it’s not like I actually ever used it. I’ve awkwardly dabbed it on my inner thighs before going out over the years, but if you know anything about Ithaca’s night life, then you know that by the end of the night that powder has been completely sweated off.
I kept the powder all this time I think because I wanted to hold on to that naive enthusiasm my 17-year-old self had. Packing up for what would be my final fall semester at IC, I decided to toss the thing in the trash — not because I was no longer enthusiastic about sex, but because some things are just not meant to taste like vanilla cupcakes