I will never, ever appreciate this song. I will never, ever understand what possessed you at 22 years of age to write it, and were we friends, I would never, ever allow you to date my male ones.
See, in the little time that I have lived, I’ve learned a few things. One of the more important ones is the notion that if you act like a preteen, you will be treated like one. Which is why I’m in this strange dilemma, where I want to continue to appreciate your music Taylor, but find myself quite repelled. Because to put it bluntly– you sing about things like a whiny 13 year-old.
There was a time when I possessed a liking for your Pop/Country infused songs. You may not have made the sun rise for me, but I found myself identifying with some of the issues you sang about, even fumbling for your name on my iPod when I needed a good cry.
But as of late, those days have passed and I am unable to rationalize your existence in my life. After all, we are the same age, and yet I don’t find myself describing relationships along the lines of “And I’m like, I’m just, I mean this is exhausting, you know/We are never getting back together, like ever.”
Sorry, like– how old are you? Dear, I know what it means to be exhausted with the opposite sex, but are there really no other interesting metaphors you could’ve come up with? Even if you described smashing his face in with a gilded scepter given to you by the Lord on High, at least I would’ve taken interest and given you points for originality. But no, instead I’m given the Spark Notes version of your relationship, when truth be told, everything you just told me is probably in the latest issue of US Weekly.
Furthermore, if you recognize that his “indie records are cooler than yours,” than it might be time to do a little self-evaluation. Not that you should completely change your musical genre of choice, but let’s be honest– if you thought this song was going to get people to take you seriously, you’re sorely mistaken.
But what I’m really trying to say Taylor, is that you’re too old for this, and if your fans are anything like me, they’re too old as well. Keep in mind, that I’m rooting for you, because I think you’re talented. That song you wrote “Haunted”? Yeah, I’ll be honest– I used a line from that in a spoken word poem. So I know you have great stories about lost love, and I’d like to hear them. Which is why I think it’s time you poured yourself a big-girl drink, picked up a book of poetry, and realized that we’re all adults here.
Well, except maybe your new boyfriend.