Charity comes from the heart — as should sex. In business, philanthropy means a tax credit, a reputation of goodwill, an intangible asset. But what happens when we give into sex but don’t receive the same credit to our account? Now if only being good in bed helped me get a tax credit, but for now I guess I’d settle for just the same amount of consideration in between the sheets.
No matter where you look, you’ll see studies that show women in heterosexual relationships aren’t being pleased in the bedroom, and couples everywhere are still struggling to understand each other sexually. The secret is that it’s all about give and take.
When we think about the last time we had sex, or really anytime, we think of it on a scale — great, okay, bad, really bad. Most of the times sex falls into the last category because one person is doing all the work and the other has failed to give any “charitable contributions.”
But there’s a way to make sure that we get back as much as we give. Speak up! Most women shy away from telling a guy to improve his performance in sex to spare his ego. But if the moment itself is not wonderful — then there is no harm in trying to better your experience. One of two things will happen: either your partner will tweak his technique to satisfy your needs or he will shy away. But discussing the amount of contribution you would like to receive will never be a bad move. Instead it will only make your time together better and give your partner a better sense of what you truly want.
I was charitable a few weeks ago when I met up with some friends at a local downtown bar where I proceeded to down as many drinks as possible in the hour before last call. (How much do people hate 1 A.M. closing time?) Regardless, within about 30 minutes I was already being semi-stalked by a man, who to this day I don’t remember his name.
When I say stalked, I mean that he followed me around like a puppy dog. Maybe it was because he was drunk and lost, maybe I smelled like bacon, maybe I had a bull’s-eye on my back. Whatever the reason was, this man decided to take his chance and kiss me.
Now there are several things I don’t approve of. The first happens to be girls who believe peep-toes and colored socks are a fashion statement; the second is men who touch me without my consent. I had half a mind to walk away from him, but I felt charitable that night — because this was no ordinary kiss.
This was the WORST kiss I ever had in my entire life. It felt like kissing a fish that finally realized it was out of water. So instead of doing what I normally do in those circumstances (run, brush, Listerine, repeat the last two), I took a much more painful, but benevolent course of action. I told him that if he ever wanted to get laid he would have to learn to actually kiss a girl without making her want to cross the border and become Canadian.
He still looked confused, but after repeating my words very slowly, he finally understood. At the end of the night we gave each other a quick hug and walked away. I hope that his next endeavor works out better. I hope his aim hits the mark, and I hope that next time he is the benevolent one. Because darling, charity never felt so good.