Buzzsaw Sports Guy: A satirical look at sports
A local double date is currently becoming difficult to tolerate for Ithaca resident Tyler Coleman, as his wife’s friend’s fiancé, Will Payne, has now talked at Coleman about the National Hot Rod Association for well over 20 minutes. Coleman, a man who cares nothing about sports aside from watching football now and then, is nodding politely as diehard drag racing fan Payne gets into the “drastic difference between the wheelbase structures of top fuel dragsters and funny cars.” Coleman is now rolling his eyes slightly as Payne pulls out a used piece of paper and a pen to draw comparative models of the two different vehicles. “Bear in mind this isn’t to scale and I’m awful at drawing. This is just to give you an idea. If you really wanna understand it, you gotta watch it on ESPN, which kinda sucks because they barely ever put it on for some reason,” Payne says. Coleman is regretting ever expressing any vague interest in cars that can travel a quarter mile in under five seconds, which he believes was the segue into this conversation, but he cannot be sure anymore. Realizing his wife will be of no help in changing the subject, as she and her friend appear to be having a “heart to heart” that would be rude to break up, Coleman is planning an extended visit to the restroom to regroup and come back with different conversation topics.