Ithaca College sophomore Steven Maddox rolled his eyes off to the side Wednesday as he overheard some film students debate whether Pulp Fiction is the best movie Quentin Tarantino has ever directed.
“Tarantino again?” Maddox lamented to his roommate Barry as they walked past the conversation. “That’s fucking original. What are they gonna talk about next, Fight Club and Memento? Jesus Christ…”
Maddox then sighed and shook his head in apparent disappointment.
According to Maddox’s roommate and acquaintances, Maddox is often annoyed by the behaviors and general social interactions of students at Ithaca College, thinking every social group on campus is made up of overly similar people.
“I went to parties with him at the beginning of the year but I stopped after a couple weeks,” said Barry, who was randomly assigned Maddox as a roommate. “All he did was complain everywhere we went. If people played beer pong or other drinking games, he’d say they were a bunch of ‘jock douchebags.’ If a few people had plaid on or were drinking PBR, he’d say it was some ‘shitty hipster party.’”
“I don’t really know how he wants college students to act,” said Carl, a friend of Barry’s and a fellow resident of Rowland Hall. “I mean, a lot of kids who go to this school came for the same reasons and have similar interests. Sometimes I wish there were more differences between people too, but I don’t let it get to me.”
Carl proceeded to recall a time when Maddox made fun of some guys sitting on the quad playing their guitars on a nice day, while also calling the girls tanning in bikinis “sluts.” Carl was reportedly all right with this, until he offered Maddox to play some Gamecube while some Jimi Hendrix music was being played over the speakers on his computer.
“Yeah, sure bro,” Maddox replied sarcastically and exited the room.
Maddox and Barry continued to walk across campus Wednesday after the Tarantino conversation, but it wasn’t long before Maddox spotted a small group of kids playing with a Frisbee in front of the library.
“Fucking hippies,” he said. “They’re already out here now. It’s not even fucking warm yet, just wait ‘til it gets really nice out.”
Barry excused himself soon after to “work on a project with a friend in Landon.” In effect, no one was around for Maddox to make what surely would have been a derogatory comment about some kid wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt in the campus center.
Though the exact comment Maddox intended to make is not known, experts say there is a very high likelihood that the sentence would have included the words “douche” and/or “tool” and/or “thinks he’s the shit.”
Maddox spent the ensuing night eating bugles at his desk, navigating through Slate.com while listening to Grizzly Bear and the Fleet Foxes. He then masturbated to some generic porn on redTube and retired for bed.