You’re driving slowly through your residential neighborhood listening to “TiK ToK” by Ke$ha. The windows are down, and you have decided this is the best car ride ever. No, it isn’t Ke$ha or the good weather—it’s the fact that you’re getting road head. Yes, road head.
It was a Tuesday afternoon, and my then-boyfriend picked me up from school. Our sex life had been nothing but routine, mediocre foreplay, so it was time to add some spice. We rode down the back road of a mountain and had a dull conversation—I was getting bored. I asked him if he wanted to go back to his house, but with his mom home, there wouldn’t be much difference.
Then, he said he liked my lip-gloss. Given my boredom, I told him I thought he should unzip.
As I started to lean over, I could see the white showing up in his knuckles and a smile of “oh shit” showing up on his face. With each inch I drew nearer, his knuckles got whiter until they were out of sight. The clutch and center compartment were poking the sides of my body. I was now giving road head for the first time.
The only thing on my mind was any approaching bumps or turns and the possible injuries I’d have to make up lies for. When the first bump hit, my head was slammed into the to steering wheel; luckily, everything kept intact, although my boyfriend momentarily broke the mood by laughing. Each turn he took with care, making sure nothing slid out. After a few more messy collisions with the steering wheel, I was able to handle bumps and turns with ease.
His red car took laps down the mountain’s back roads. With each car that passed, a surge of adrenaline would pass through him to me.
One car in particular happened to be his mom, on her way to the supermarket, who gave a polite wave. She then called his phone to ask where I was. His response assured that I was in the car, “bent over, looking for something.” Great, I thought, but it seemed to work. They hung up the phone, and at the next stop sign I came up for air.
The car ride home was full of “wow,” “thank you” and “let’s do this more often,” but I couldn’t help thinking the hype of road head is a little exaggerated. Yes, it is new and absolutely exciting, but when it comes down to it, it’s just giving a blowjob with a clutch in your ribs. However, for the guys I’m sure it’s nothing short of bliss.
Besides potential fatalities with car parts or a bad blower, there are a few more things to be aware of. Bumps may cause involuntary jaw clenches and gagging, but hey, you can always blame the road! Oh and if you’re willing to do road head, you better be willing to swallow unless you bring portable Kleenexes or offer to clean his boxers.
At the start, the move across the car could also be a pretty awkward stretch if the front seat is wide and things are out of reach. Just be aware of your capabilities and surroundings, both inside and outside the car. You never want to stop at a light next to your mom, his mom or an ex to whom you just proved you weren’t a slut. And the drive after doesn’t include mouthwash, so mints could be useful.
Let’s not forget the safety of others: Boys, please watch the road. We don’t want the streets flooded with dented cars and people. As fun as road head is, safety always comes first, so beware of how you’re going to react.
Taking these precautions could result in a really good time with a new, thrilling sex experience. As long as you are good, the boy will be grateful forever, but you might be in cars more than you expected. Never leave empty handed as well. Once you two are home be sure you have a reward waiting, as oral does go both ways.
If you’re willing to be adventurously sexual for a bit while driving around, road head is for you. Knees need a rest, and joyrides need a new definition with a new license. A big thanks to the DMV!